Head Over Feels

I lower my guard and shove my hands in my pockets. “Because Tealey thought we would ruin your chances of getting the apartment.”

She winces. “Of course, she did. She puts everyone else’s needs before her own.” Her thoughts are heavy, hanging in the tension of her body language. “Do you love her, Rad?”

Nodding would suffice, but I want to say the words. “I do. I love her. I think I always have.”

“Two things to note,” she starts with a smile creeping into the corners of her mouth. “One, always? I thought you two were enemies. You never talked or hung out with each other.”

“I didn’t want her to see how weak I was.”

“Weak to love, and weak because you feel for a woman isn’t the same thing as being a weak man. I think it actually makes you stronger.”

I smile, but my body still itches to move, to find my girl. “And two?”

“Why are you still here? She’s over at Jackson’s apartment.” Jealousy envelops me as I think about Tealey staying at Jackson’s. But as I calm myself down, I realize it could be worse. At least she had a place to go in her abrupt departure from my life, and I know Jackson will be kind to her.

And hopefully, keep her there until I can figure this out . . . and get her back.

Because I will. I’ll get Tealey Bell back. There is no other option.

We start walking again. “We’re going to have to walk and talk, Marlow.” I glance at her beside me. “Can you help me with something?”

“Yeah, but can I say something first?” She stops again, and although I get that she wants to chat, I need to keep moving. Every second without Tealey puts distance in a possible reunion. But then I see her vulnerability, a trust exposed in the edges of her eyes that reminds me she’s been hurt, disappointed, and has struggled with solid footing for as long as I’ve known her. The lack of dependability on her father has deepened the insecurity he created in the first place. She says, “I’m sorry for how I treated you and . . .” She looks off, but her eyes return to mine. “I’m really sorry for my dad and Lorie. He’s such an asshole, and she’s not much better.”

I start walking again because my priority is getting to Tealey, but I give Marlow a half-smile. “I’m glad you came to New York to get away from him. And I appreciate the apology.”

“Thanks, Rad.”

Not a block down, I stop and head to the corner to cross the street. “That’s where I need to stop on my way to see Tealey.”

39

Rad

I’m more determined than ever. I push the nerves down, ready to fight for my future. Because I’ve had many regrets in life, but not one was being with Tealey.

The opposite is true, in fact. She made me feel I was invincible. But my pride kept me from seeing what that power was doing to her.

I leave my ego for the courtroom and knock on Jackson’s door.

The peephole darkens, but then nothing. Shit. I didn’t expect her to pretend she wasn’t home. “Tealey,” I say, pressing my ear to the door. “Can we talk? Please?”

Nothing.

I knock once more, and then the light seeps through the hole again. Just when I think she’s going to leave me out here, I hear the door unlock, and the dead bolt turns. The door opens, and although she’s only given me a sliver in which to see her, I feel my lungs fill with the air that was lacking from seconds earlier.

“I don’t want to talk,” she says.

“I know you don’t, but can I please say my piece?” I see her gaze lower, and though I hoped for a better reaction upon seeing me—or any, for that matter—it’s not why I’m here. “Tealey, I’m begging you.”

She tightens the robe at her neck, and replies, “Okay.”

When I realize she’s not giving me an inch more of her, I’ll take what she is offering—her ear.

“I’d crafted this long speech in my head all morning. I had it memorized like I was preparing to read it in court. It was full of points I thought you’d want to hear from me, evidence that made sense for us to be together. But—”

“But?” Her head tilts. It’s when she lets the natural light scrape across her skin that I can see how red it is under her eyes, her lids swollen from tears. My heart twists, my chest tightening around it. Anger courses through me for causing her pain.

“I don’t want to say things only because I think you want to hear them. I want to speak from my heart and hope I hit the mark. If I don’t, then you can walk away. If—”