This was it, the moment I’d finally be honest, truthful with someone. Would it ruin our friendship? Would she think I was disgusting? Or maybe she’d accept it and be there for me.
I could tell she was anxious for my answer, and although I knew this was what I wanted to do, I was also scared shitless. But I took a deep breath then, looked her in the eyes, and just said the biggest secret I’d ever had in my life.
“It’s Matthew.”
She looked a little confused at first, her brows furrowing as she leaned back. “Matthew? Matthew Hawk from English 101?” I shook my head slowly. “Matthew Jacobson from physics?” I shook my head again. “Please tell me it’s not Mr. Richards, our gym teacher.”
I wrinkled my nose. “His first name is Matthew? How do you even know that?” I shook my head again. “Never mind.” I exhaled. “He doesn’t go to school.” I licked my lips and started rubbing my hands up and down my thighs.
“He’s older?” It was clear she hadn’t put two and two together, but then again, who would think someone would be in love with their uncle?
“Yeah, he’s older.”
“Oh yeah?” Her grin was instantaneous.
“It’s Matthew, Georgia. As in my uncle Matthew.” I swear the air thickened, as if I were underwater and struggling for breath. Her expression was stoic at first, but I watched it change slowly into shock. Her eyes widened, her mouth opened in a silent O.
The silence stretched between us, and I knew that she probably was speechless. Hell, I knew I would be if the roles were reversed.
“Pretty crazy, huh?” I was still rubbing my palms up and down my thighs, my skin underneath the denim starting to become sore.
I swallowed, this tightness and thickness in my throat almost suffocating. I had this feeling that I had no control of the situation.
Then again, I guess I didn’t.
“Well,” Georgia said and leaned forward again, her focus on her hands as she stared at them for long moments. “So, this is like a real thing, right?”
“Right.”
Georgia started chuckling a little but it sounded awkward. “I don’t even know what to say.” She sat back again and looked to her left, watching as the girls’ soccer team practiced. “Does your dad know?” She glanced back at me and I shook my head. “Yeah, that’s probably best, but he’ll find out eventually.”
I shook my head again.
“Hey,” she said and reached out to place her hand on top of mine.
I looked up at her, not realizing that I had glanced down at my lap.
“Everything will be okay.”
I loved her optimism, but in this moment, it wasn’t reality.
We were silent again for long moments before she spoke again. “Does he love you back?”
I was a little surprised by how she was taking this. Although I hadn’t expected any judgment from her, the truth was, I expected the worst. Maybe it was because of the situation and how people would perceive it. I just assumed, pictured, that’s how Georgia would react.
I felt a small smile spread across my face as I nodded. “He does.”
I watched as a smile formed on Georgia’s lips. The way she looked at me … I knew what she was about to ask and I felt my cheeks heat instantly.
“So have you, you know…?”
With any other person I would’ve felt a little offended that they’d been so nosy, but this was Georgia. This was the first real thing I’d ever kept from her. She told me when she lost her virginity to Alex Hargrove last year in the back of his pickup truck at a bonfire. She told me when she got her first kiss in ninth grade with Michael Sanders.
We always told each other everything, and the truth was, I wanted to tell somebody about my relationship with Matthew. And that somebody was Georgia.
“Yeah,” I said softly and looked around, my face on fire now. I didn’t say anything else, and I could see Georgia wanted me to give more details.
“Well?” she said a little impatiently.
“It was…” I stared into her blue eyes and saw the excited look on her face. She rested her head in her hand.
“Incredible? Mind blowing? Everything you’ve ever thought it would be?” she said dreamily and we both started laughing. “So how long has it been going on? Like, years?”
I shook my head. “No, nothing physical happened until this past week. But I’ve always loved him.”
Georgia sighed dreamily again. “It sounds so forbidden and magical. Like something out of a movie or a book.” She straightened and a serious expression covered her face. “Your dad’s going to flip his shit when you tell him.”
All I could do was nod.
Yeah, when he found out, flipping his shit would be putting it mildly.
19
Ivy
I opened the front door, stepping in and closing it behind me. The only thing I could hear was the sound of the clock in the kitchen ticking down the time. Other than that, there was a heavy silence in the air.