Gideon, Dante, William, and Mateo had kept me grounded.
Releasing a breath, I pulled a hand from one of my pockets and ran my fingers through my hair.
“My … my parents are missing. While I was in the hospital, I had this dream that was more like a memory. I think it was a memory of my mom trying to leave my dad. I told my guys’ dads, and well, it turns out my dad is not a good man.” I snorted. “Not that they needed me to clarify that. It turns out since college, my dad has been drugging my mom to keep her in some kind of sedated state.” I didn’t know how they found out the truth, but all it had really taken was a raid at our home. The bottles of pills were proof. Only they hadn’t been the kind prescribed by any doctor, but produced.
My dad was into all kinds of crazy shit. He’d been giving her some kind of doctored version of the date-rape drug. From what I recalled their dads talking about, he knew a scientist friend who was producing and supplying them.
All kinds of fucked up, but it made sense why there were days my mom acted like she didn’t even know I existed. The reality of it was she didn’t.
“Now, I’m staying at Dante’s place,” I said. “Gideon asked for me to stay with him. No, Gideon’s dad, Lucas, he asked me to stay, but I didn’t want to be around him.” Ever since the initiation on Halloween night and the crap that went down, I’d been pulling away from them.
With the attacks against The Society and my parents’ disappearances, there had been no requests or instructions. In fact, I got a personal apology in writing from the very society that had turned my life to complete shit.
“Anyway, you know all about that.”
I had no parents. No income.
The Society had frozen my parents’ assets, and staying at their home hadn’t been an option either. Each old memory resurfacing like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. I hated it.
So I kept my distance.
I’d also opted to take a year out of college. With everything that happened, my application was put on hold.
“Sian?” Dante said.
I glanced over my shoulder to see Dante waiting. Past him were Gideon, William, and Mateo.
All four waiting for me.
They had been so kind and considerate even though they’d done what was expected of them. Their initiation process had started. They didn’t need me anymore.
I turned back to Heather and pressed my fingers to my lips, kissed them, and placed them on her stone. “I love you so much and I miss you.” This time, as the tears fell, I didn’t wipe them away. I wanted them to last. The tears reminded me constantly that she’d been alive. Of her goodness that surrounded us.
“Are you okay?” Dante asked.
“Fine.”
He stood beside the passenger side of his car, door open, waiting, expectantly.
“I really feel like walking right now,” I said. I’d walked here. Gotten up earlier than normal, made myself a coffee in a travel mug, and left.
Harrison, Dante’s dad, had told me quite clearly I wasn’t a prisoner. I didn’t have to wait around for them. I was free to come and go as I pleased.
My life consisted of walking. I liked to walk. It helped to clear my mind.
“Then I’ll walk with you.”
I shook my head. “It’s fine.”
Dante was hurting. All of them were hurting. They had fucked up and they didn’t know how to make it right. Only, they hadn’t fucked up. This wasn’t their fault. They didn’t start the fire. What they didn’t do was protect Heather. Gideon made that promise to keep her safe and he failed.
I gave my virginity to him, and he’d fucking failed. My anger wasn’t justified. Deep down, I knew Heather’s death and my attack had to do with my father in some way. I just didn’t know how he got onto school grounds, or who he got to carry out the attack.
“Sian, please,” Dante said.
Shoving my hands into my pockets, I waited for him to speak. To say something. “What is it?” I asked.
“I don’t like you leaving like this.”
“Dante, I need to walk. That’s all.”
“Heather wouldn’t have wanted this.”
“Don’t presume to tell me what Heather would or wouldn’t have wanted. You didn’t know her. None of you did. You used her to get what you wanted and now she’s gone.” I pressed my lips together. Yelling at them wouldn’t bring her back.
They didn’t cause her death. I shouldn’t be angry at them. Deep in my heart, I knew this, but I also believed they could have saved her if they wanted to.
“Please, I need space.”
Dante gave in with a slump to his shoulders. Without looking at anyone else, I spun on my heel and walked. I didn’t go back toward Dante’s house. I headed toward a small café I’d seen a few days ago. I passed it a few times but never went inside.