I shook my head. The temptation was strong, but I wasn’t willing to let anyone else get involved.
“Not happening,” I said. “We have to learn to figure this out on our own.”
The door opened and out stepped my father. “Give me some time alone with my son,” he said.
Dante, William, and Mateo each got up.
They were still my friends, but the warning in their gazes was clear: Don’t be an asshole to your dad.
It was easier for them to advise it than for me to follow it.
I stayed on the ground, and much to my surprise, my dad slid down the wall until he landed on his ass, legs drawn up, staring at me.
“I’m going to tell you this now, and it doesn’t leave us, got it?” he asked.
“Do I have a choice?”
“Your sisters are not mine,” Lucas said, taking me completely by surprise.
“What?”
“Yeah, you heard me.” He further surprised me as he pulled out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter. I watched him spark up a cigarette.
“I didn’t know you smoked,” I said.
“I don’t. This just gives me something to do. It makes it easier to keep my hands busy.”
“Joan?” I asked.
“You have no idea what it meant to lose her. To have to watch her get married to Alexander, the piece-of-shit student we’d taken under our wing as our little underdog project. Your grandfather warned me, you know. He told me that Alexander was a bad seed. I figured he was bullshitting. Couldn’t stand me helping someone who wasn’t of the same class as me. It turns out he always had a bigger plan for all of us. Joan was just the tool to get it.”
I watched his jaw clench. I thought about Sian. Would I be able to stand her being with someone else?
No, I couldn’t imagine it, nor did I want to.
Running a hand down my face, I tried to clear my thoughts, but it wasn’t happening.
“Drinking your way through this is not going to help,” Lucas said.
“It helps to numb the pain.”
“But it doesn’t go away. None of it does.” Lucas took a long inhale. “This isn’t something you need to be doing either. It’s bad for you.”
“Then you stop.”
“I’m an old man.”
We went silent. My dad and I had never been the kind to have long conversations. To be honest, Sian had helped us to talk more in the last ten months than the last eighteen years.
“Do you like me?” I asked, looking at my dad.
He laughed. “Son, I love you.”
“But you don’t love my mom?”
“She doesn’t love me. She gave me you, which is why her life is as peaceful as it is.”
“You’re being honest,” I said.
“Honesty is the best course of action.”
“Is it worth it?” I asked, not talking about family or work, or anything.
“The Society?” he asked.
I nodded.
He didn’t answer right away, which surprised me.
“I wish I could give you a proper answer. The truth is, yes and no.” His lips pursed. “When Joan was picked as our girl, I thought they were having a fucking laugh. I mean, Joan, really? She was this sweet, innocent girl. She followed the rules, and to be honest, I thought she was boring, but rules were rules. I was an asshole to her in the beginning. She was terrified, but her family believed it was a great honor to be chosen, and if you are, then it is. Money, power, privilege, it all comes to you. Her family got that for the price of her flesh. I don’t know how she did it, but little by little, she got beneath my skin and I couldn’t imagine my life without her, you know? She was everything. It started out with the little things. Her smile. The way she laughed. No matter how shitty her day was, she had something to smile about, and that became addictive to me. I loved that no matter what she always seemed so happy. She accepted everything. In her world, there was no time to just dwell on what she couldn’t change.”
“She sounds amazing,” I said.
“She was. She is. Joan’s still out there. I’d know if she was dead. When I get my hands on Alexander…”
He didn’t finish what he was saying.
“You can’t do anything to him,” I said. “He will have to answer to The Society.”
“Yeah, well, even they like to see a little payback.”
Chapter Two
Dante
Most men would be bored with watching their woman looking more and more miserable day after day. Not me. My days spent near Sian were the best. Her sadness wasn’t. I hated that I had no way of helping her through her pain. Heather wouldn’t have wanted this. I knew deep down into my core, she’d have begged for us to do something.
There was nothing to do but wait.
Gideon’s patience wore thin every single day.