Dirty Sweet Cowboy

He picks up his glass of wine and takes a long sip. “Sure is. I gave her a shot of whiskey and a hit off of one of dad’s cigars, and she was out like a light .”

I pick up the pillow from the end of the couch and smack him with it. “Jokes about getting my toddler intoxicated are not funny, Hawk .”

“Maybe not to you,” he says with a laugh. “Anyway, she’s asleep. I read her that moon book that Matt loved when he was a kid and she was asleep before I finished it .”

I smile. “That’s actually your copy. If you look at the front page, it’s inscribed to you from your grandmother I think? Matt just stole it .”

Hawk looks down at his lap. “I miss him, Parrish .”

“You’re not the only one .”

Neither of us talks for while; we just stare at the TV and drink our wine until the movie ends and the credits start to roll. Hawk looks down at the dishes and sighs. “Should we start cleaning this up ?”

I shrug. “If we don’t, no one else will .”

We start gathering everything up and carry it into the kitchen, then Hawk starts cleaning plates as I put away leftovers. Once I have everything in the fridge, I cross over to the sink to help him dry, but when I

reach to take a plate from him, our hands touch, and I feel spark that radiates through my entire body. I can see that he feels it too, because he looks at me with a longing in his eyes that mirrors everything I am feeling in the pit of my stomach. Hawk picks up a dish towel and uses it to brush the soap bubbles from his hands, then he reaches over and gently touches my cheek .

“Hawk, we already talked about this. I can’t…” I want to say, but the words don’t form. And he doesn’t say anything either. He just leans forward, and softly kisses me. I lean back against the sink, using the edge to hold myself up, afraid I am going to just crumple to the floor. His kiss becomes more insistent, and his muscular body presses up against me, sending me into a swirl of dizzying confusion. I can feel the heft of his manhood against my stomach, and despite my better judgment, the only thing I want in this moment is to tear his pants off and let him take me right here on the counter .

Hawk looks down at me, his cheeks flush and his eyes sparkling. “Parrish, I …”

But he doesn’t get a chance to finish. We both hear the front door to the house open, and Sam and Candy’s happy voices as they walk inside. I quickly straighten out my clothes, and Hawk turns to face the sink so his parents can’t see the physical evidence of what we were just doing. They walk into the kitchen, laughing and smiling, Sam’s arms loaded down with bags of leftovers and Candy carrying a half-empty bottle of wine .

“Well! Good evening, kids. Parrish, you’re never up this late,” Candy says with a wink. Sam starts putting the carryout containers in the fridge and then exclaims in excitement .

“Chicken legs and pasta? Between that and our leftovers, Candy here may never have to cook again !”

Hawk and I both laugh awkwardly, and way too loudly, causing Sam and Candy to look at us like we’re insane. Hawk still hasn’t turned around, and Sam surveys him suspiciously .

“Son, is there something of importance in that dishwater? You haven’t said two words to us since we walked through the door .”

I see Hawk look down for a split second, then kind of uncomfortably shift around, then he finally turns with a weird smile. “Sorry, pop. I just really wanted to get those dishes done. So, how was dinner ?”

Candy and Sam look at each other, then look at us, before seemingly shrugging off their confusion. “It was incredible. Thank you for the reservation, son. We need to go out, just the two of us, more often. What did you two kids get up to all by yourself ?”

I have to remind myself to stay stone-faced. “We just made some dinner, put Gracie to bed, watched a movie. Nothing too exciting. Anna called. She’s having a good time with Sid. And she assured me he’s being a perfect gentleman, so no one has anything to worry about .”

Candy laughs. “She called you from her date? What did she do? Call you from the bathroom ?”

“Yes, actually,” I answer with a chuckle. “And on that note, I should probably get to bed. The plumber is coming first thing tomorrow with his team to start figuring out the logistics of the build. So. Goodnight everyone!” I don’t make eye contact; I just run out of the kitchen and up the stairs to my room, where I crawl into bed without changing out of my jeans and sweatshirt. Once I’m safely under the quilt, I allow myself the luxury of a giggle .

I hate myself for feeling this way, about Hawk of all people, but there is no question. All of the old butterflies are back, and I have no idea how to fight them anymore .

And I’m not even sure I want to, I muse as my hand drifts between my legs .

Hawk

I stand back and look at the stable, and I can’t believe how close we are to being done. It’s been two weeks since that night in the kitchen with Parrish, and we’ve been cutting each other a wide berth since then. I think we’re both afraid of what it means to be alone with each other, of what it means that every time we are alone, we can’t seem to keep our hands off one another. With the project nearing completion, and me on the verge of going back to Los Angeles, it’s given a stark sense of reality to all of our interactions, and I can feel her pulling away, putting more and more distance between us every time we speak .

And I don’t really blame her .

I feel like I’m being torn in two every time I look at her now. There is the part of me that is being forced to admit how I feel about her. That I may even really love her, more than I ever thought I could love anyone. But there is a bigger part of me that can’t handle the idea of loving my brother’s wife, the idea of coming back to Dylan, and the ranch, for good, and wants to run screaming back to LA. I never expected it to be like this, and it’s making every day a fresh kind of hell .

It doesn’t help that Simone has gotten even more clingy the closer we get to the completion date. Every time I turn around, she’s there, asking me an irrelevant question, or taking a picture of me doing something completely benign. I’ve literally walked her over to my father, or Parrish, and even once, Sid and Anna, trying to get her to interview anyone else. But it feels like she’s explicitly trying to convince me of something that will never happen, no matter how hard I try and avoid her .

Even now, as I stand at the edge of the property, watching as the guys lay the concrete for the walkways around the new stable, I can feel her hovering behind me. I try to avoid her for as long as I can, but finally, I can smell her perfume, which means she’s standing right behind me, and I’m forced to turn around .