“I mean it, Ethan,” I insist. Reluctantly, I tug my hand back. He opens one eye and squints at me .
“Okay,” he starts slowly. “Fair enough. So what do you want to do ?”
I hold my breath for a moment. What do I want to do? That’s a good question. I’m antsy, eager. I feel like there is more to be done. But what, exactly, do I want ?
“Well, we can’t stay here forever, can we?” I venture, knowing that’s not the most courageous thing I’ve ever said .
“Of course we can,” he counters. “I can have everything delivered to us here. Anything you want. We never have to go anywhere .”
“Never? Are you really offering me a forever kind of situation, Ethan ?”
He sighs, not answering. I watch his lips press together tightly. Suddenly, I sort of see him the way everyone else sees him. Over the last few days, he has seemed so tender, so willing to connect with me, but then again, that’s probably all part of the Prince Charming act .
“Ethan?”
“What?” he answers. I hear the chill in his voice .
“You’re not really suggesting that we stay here, are you,” I say, and it’s not a question. It’s a statement. I know the answer .
“Ava, I really think you’re overthinking it .”
I sit up in my chair with my back to the sun so I can see him more clearly .
“I’m not overthinking it,” I protest. “You’re not saying that we should stay here, Ethan. You are just giving me one of your smooth billionaire lines, right ?”
“I’m just lying in the sun, Ava,” he sighs impatiently, like I’m an annoying little kid all over again .
“Because you’re not really saying that we are a thing , right? You’re not saying you’re going to send out a press release and declare that I’m your girlfriend , right ?”
There, I said it. It’s sort of a relief, now that I hear the words. I know this is true. I know I’ve been staying here for the better part of a week, inside of a fantasy. This is not real life. Real life is somewhere else, and we have just been pretending .
“No,” he finally says .
I shake my head. It’s a simple word, but somehow it’s not enough .
“No, what?” I persist .
“No, I’m not sending out a press release or anything,” he shakes his head. His eyes open finally and he looks at me with a mixture of irritation, sadness, resolve. Strangely, he feels much farther away from me than eighteen inches, even though I can measure the actual distance with my eyes. “We’re just hanging out, Ava. Isn’t that enough? Haven’t we been having a great time ?”
I tip my head to the side, staring at him. Yeah, I knew this was coming. It still kind of sucks. But my stubbornness takes over. I’m not going to be one of those girls who cries about it, who demands more. I got what I wanted, didn’t I? Bea will be proud .
My heart sinks. My stomach drops. But I stand up, picking my cover up off the back of the chair and putting it back on .
“Oh, yeah, it’s totally cool,” I say breezily. “I have so much stuff I need to do back home anyway. But this has been really fun, Ethan. Thanks for the vacation .”
“So… that’s it? You’re ready to go ?”
I look around the patio, the horizon, the black sand beach stretching for miles in either direction. If I’m being honest, is there anything left for me here ?
“Sure,” I chirp brightly. “I’ll get my stuff packed. Let me know when you’re ready .”
As I walk away, closing the patio door behind me, my chest is pounding. I hadn’t quite planned it all out. It just happened, with the words spilling out before I could stop them .
But in reviewing my performance back there, I know it was the right thing to do. And I know that I acted strong while I was doing it. I suppose that is the best I can expect from myself .
Chapter 33
ETHAN