Dirty Sweet Cowboy

“I need to tell you something…And there’s no easy way to say it. I’m pregnant .”

Everybody just stares. I try to concentrate over the pounding in my head, in case they’re about to say something. I don’t want to miss it but I’m afraid of what it might be .

“You’re what?” Aden finally says .

“Pregnant?” my dad repeats, his voice stunned into monotone .

“You’re having a baby?” my mother whispers. Her face has gone white, her lips pale and slack .

“Actually, two babies. Twins. I found out last week .”

They all look at each other, exchanging glances, silent conversations. For a moment their attention is not on me, and I feel like I can take a breath to try to catch up .

“Does this have anything to do with Ethan Mercer?” Aden asks shrewdly, squinting and pointing at me with his fork. I can see his hands trembling with rage .

“Aden, I — ”

“How did this happen?” my dad blurts out. “How did you… you just graduated! You just got your first job! Your first apartment !”

Part of me wants to answer, it happened the regular way. But that would just pour fuel on the fire. I opt for the conciliatory. “Which makes it all kind of perfect, right?” I plead. “Everything is sort of coming together for me… I mean, I realize I’m young …”

“So young!” my mother cries out. Her fingertips fly toward her mouth, fluttering like birds wings. “You’re so young !”

Suddenly, I’m very sorry. I’m not ashamed, but I can see something dissolving in her eyes, some other plan that she knows is crumbling away like a sand castle under the tide .

“Oh, Mom …”

“If this has anything to do with Ethan,” my brother growls, “I will fucking kill — ”

“Who’s the father?” my dad asks. He’s gone stony, his face gray and impassive. He holds my mother’s hand, caging it in his big, wide hand against the tablecloth .

“Does it really matter?” I ask meekly, but I’m not sure anybody’s listening to me anyway .

My mom clears her throat, then twice more. She sniffles and stares at the ceiling. When she looks back at me, she has a brave smile and her cheeks are pink .

“You know what, Ava, babies are always a blessing,” she says in a small but strong voice. “If this is what you really want — ”

“It really is!” I insist. As soon as I say the words, I hear how true they are. It really is what I want. I don’t know how, and I know it will be extremely hard, but I know it will be okay .

We chatter awkwardly for little while longer, though Aden says almost nothing. Finally I dial up another Uber and promise my parents I’ll be back next week for dinner. They embrace me stiffly, holding back what I’m sure are avalanches of emotions .

When the Uber arrives, I rush out to meet it, feeling like I’ve made the best of the situation and I’m ready to escape. I feel a tug on my elbow and turn around to see Aden, his eyes flashing, his jaw clenching and unclenching .

“You didn’t answer my question,” he reminds me .

“I don’t like your tone!” I object, twisting my elbow away. “I’m a grown woman, Aden. I do not like the way you are treating me right now .”

We face off for a few more seconds, until the Uber driver honks. I stalk away, pretending to be a lot more brave than I feel .

As the car pulls away from the curb, I watch Aden glowering at me from the sidewalk. I don’t know what he is going to do, but I’m pretty sure he’s not going to just give up .

Chapter 37

ETHAN

T en times. That’s how many times I’ve texted Ava since she visited me at my place two weeks ago. Ten times .

Zero responses .