“Do you hate him?”
I couldn’t answer for a moment, because I had to decide for myself first before I could tell her the truth. “I don’t hate him. I love him, but I don’t trust him. I never come first with him, so in some ways it’s like not having a father at all.”
“It’s just the same for me.” She laid her head against my chest.
I frowned as I rubbed her back. “No, it’s not. Your father loves you so much, sweetie. He’s doing the best he can to—”
“I know that.” She lifted her head to look at me. “I meant my mom. She’s just gone. She was never really much there to start with. There were times when she gave me a little attention, but most of the time, she was just out of it. She doesn’t come see me, and I’m sure she doesn’t love me. I think I hate her sometimes.”
I had to clear my throat from the lump forming there. “It’s okay to hate her sometimes, but I don’t think you really do. You’re just hurt and angry and trying to figure it all out. Your mom loves you, but she’s kind of like my dad. She’s selfish. You know what an addict is?”
Elle shrugged. “I heard Dad say the word a few times to other people, but I don’t really know what it is.”
I hated having this conversation with her, certain it should be Ben, but also needing to convince her to come home willingly. I didn’t want to shatter the trust between us by dragging her out or forcing her to come with me if I could avoid it. “An addict is someone who can’t live without something. That something is usually very bad for them, and in your mom’s case, it’s drugs. It makes her selfish. She can’t think of anything besides getting drugs, and it changes who she is. At some point, maybe she’ll no longer be addicted, and maybe then she won’t be so selfish. You can’t count on that though.”
“So I don’t have a mother.” She looked so sad and she started to shiver. “Will you be my mother, Lindsay?”
It was so hard to answer her, and tears rolled down my cheeks too. “I don’t think that’s ever going to happen, kiddo, but I’ll be here for you as long as you need me.”
“I’m scared you’ll leave me too.”
“I won’t if I can help it.” I hugged her as hard as I dared, and she was squeezing just as tightly. “Your dad loves you, and so do I. We’d like you to come home. Are you ready to do that, Elle?”
She pulled away, her lower lip trembling again. “I’m going to be in big trouble, aren’t I?”
I didn’t want to start lying to her now, so I nodded. “You probably will be in a little trouble, but more than anything, Ben’s going to be happy that you’re home and relieved that you’re safe. Are you ready to see your dad?”
After another long hesitation, she nodded. “I guess so.”
Chapter 15
Ben
When the call came from Lindsay, I swiped almost savagely. “Where are you, and why haven’t you answered your phone?”
“I didn’t charge it last night, so it died.”
“You need a new phone that has a better battery.” I made a mental note to get her the newest, latest model after this was over. “Elle isn’t with Ashe. I was there—”
“I have her.”
Those three simple words crushed all air from my lungs and had me dropping to my knees. “Where…?”
“We’re in a cab headed back now. The driver is loaning me his charger.”
I somehow managed to breathe again. “I’ll meet you at the curb.” She didn’t try to dissuade me, probably realizing she couldn’t. I needed to be reunited with Elle as soon as possible.
After Lindsay hung up, I put the phone in my pocket and gripped the side of the desk to stand up. It took me a moment to find the strength, because I was so weak with relief.
And gratitude. I owed Lindsay everything. She’d found Elle, who must be safe, or they’d be heading to the hospital instead of home. I squirmed internally as I remembered my plan to emotionally withdraw. How could I do that?
But how could I commit to her when I knew how ugly love could be? Not that I loved her. No way. It was far too soon for that, I assured myself as I got to my feet.
I staggered down the hallway, stopping by the kitchen to tell Margot and Betsy the good news. I found them huddled together at the table, sipping coffee, and looking worried sick. “Lindsay’s bringing her home.”
“Oh, thank goodness. Is it all right if I make the little miss’s favorite dinner, Mr. Hudson?”
I nodded at Margot. “Why wouldn’t it be?”