Bucked

“I know exactly what you mean,” I say. Oh, the situations that I want to put her in and have her say that. Her lips are relaxed, a bit slack. Her dark eyes are closed and her eyebrows are gently knitting in the middle. “You just lie back and enjoy it.

Both our beers are going untouched as I softly rub her feet under the table, and if I were a betting man, I’d say we were both imagining more. It’s not until her friend plops down a couple of steaming plates of burgers and fries in front of us that we’re woken from our spell.

“Thanks so much,” says Canada. “That looks amazing.”

“Anything for you, girl,” I say.

Eleven

Chastity

It’s hard while I’m overwhelmed by the... himness of Kanen, but once I begin to realize that I’m not a complete idiot and I have no need to be nervous, I’m able to calm down. It’s just lunch—I’m committing to nothing but a burger and fries. After I figure that out, amazingly, we end up having a good conversation. Or I would think that if I were able to pay any attent

ion to what we’re saying.

Kanen’s body, his eyes, even just the way he looks at me, are all making me crazy. The way his lips move when he talks. He’s dangerous, hot, and utterly sexy. Kanen charms me, and when he touches me I can’t help but imagine him touching me in other places, everywhere. My guess is that he’s thinking of that too. His fingers are electric, mysterious, enchanting, and nearly powerless to resist. More than difficult—it’s impossible. I want to throw myself into his arms, and kiss his neck, feel every inch of his body against mine, inside and out. Instead, we eat fries and I smile goofily at him, helplessly.

I can sense that Lacey is watching us every chance she gets, wondering exactly how I’m doing with the Wrecker, but she has the good sense to keep her distance except for the discreet wait service she’s providing. She sneakily brought two more beers over when we were done with our first, proclaiming that they were “on the house,” and then she disappeared. But probably only behind the hostess station, so that she could keep watch on us.

When we’re finished and ready to pay the bill, Kanen pulls out an old leather wallet, gives Lacey his black card, and asks me what I’m up to after this. I put him off, for no reason other than that I’m filled with fear. And I’m not scared of him, exactly, dangerous as he may be, but of myself and my own feelings. If I were actually alone with him, I don’t think I’d be able to be responsible for my actions. I would find myself in his lap, in record time.

And it’s clearly better if we’re just friends.

Famous last words.

“Well, that’s all right, Chastity,” he drawls. “I understand if you have something on the go. You’re a busy girl. But if you’d be willing to give me your phone number I might like to give you a call sometime.”

Damn him. His honey-sweet voice is slipping past all the walls I’ve put up. Trembling, I take the cell phone that he holds out to me, and enter my name under “Canada.”

“If it’s all the same to you, I might change that to Chastity,” he grins. “It’s a beautiful name for an irresistible girl.”

He reaches out and touches my arm, and it’s like my whole body is flowing with tingling electricity, starting from the contact with his fingers.

Blushing, I don’t know what to say, but I’m sure my goofy grin says it all. I look away, part of me wishing I could hide, and the other part wanting to touch him too, to take him somewhere and get as close to him as I can.

“You take care, Chastity,” he says, and his fingers slide up to my shoulder as he leans in close and kisses me on the cheek, lingering an extra second that thrills me in a breathless moment.

“You too,” I say, but he’s already almost out the door. He turns slightly, tips his hat, and I watch him as he jumps easily into his old pickup truck, the picture of a Texas cowboy. I feel like I’m standing on a porch, watching my boyfriend leave for the day.

Lacey immediately runs over to me. Her hair is bouncing, her kohl-rimmed eyes excited.

“Tell me everything!” she says. “Absolutely every single little thing!”

“Oh come on, weren’t you watching and listening every chance you got?” I chide her. Might as well torture her a little; I don’t want her to be the one playing me all the time.

“Don’t tease!” Her bubble-gum pink lower lip sticks out. “Did he like your outfit, at least?” she asks after a moment.

I don’t answer right away, because I don’t know where to start, but I know I want to let my mind savor him like a hard candy, turning the time with him over and over in my mind.

“Never mind that. I’m still on shift, and I don’t have time for the full story. Yet. Let’s get down to brass tacks,” she says. “Did he ask you out?”

“Well, he wanted to go out after this, but I said no,” I explain. She looks confused. “He got my number, though!” I say quickly. “So I think he’s going to call me.”

“Look honey, I’m glad you’re not falling all over him. But why did you say no?” she asks. “Don’t be dumb. Do you think a man like that comes along every day? He’s gorgeous, successful, sexy, and tons of women are after him. And for some reason he seems to like you a lot.” Her warm smile at the end of that statement lets me know she’s just teasing.

“Every day? God no.” Why I didn’t go is a good question, but not one that I’m entirely willing to look directly at right now. At least not publicly. But I can’t shield myself from the memory forever.

It’s the letter I found in Jeffrey’s nightstand, a few days after he passed away. A memory I’ve forced down since the moment it happened and now it’s back, because of Kanen. I was cleaning out Jeffrey’s things, a little at a time, and with each thing I held and touched it was like saying goodbye to him over and over again. But I just wasn’t prepared for the letter I found—a small, worn envelope that contained the words that will probably always be etched on the backs of my eyelids.