Sunrise Canyon (New Americana 1)

“I had a feeling it wasn’t,” he said. “I’m listening.”

“When Dusty brought you here, I was afraid you’d be nothing but trouble. But that’s changed. Now I’m asking you to stay. Not for me, but for Paige.”

“Kira—”

“No. Hear me out. I know you’re planning to leave. But that little girl needs her father. If you don’t care enough to be part of her life, she’ll feel that loss forever. It will affect her self-esteem, her trust, her future relationships with men. . . .”

“Stop it, Kira. You know I can’t stay, and you know why.”

“I know you think you can’t get well. But look around you—the beauty, the peace of places like this. Flying Cloud Ranch is your best chance to heal, maybe your only chance. You owe it to your daughter to try.”

“And what if it doesn’t work?” Jake thrust his hands into his pockets to keep them still. “You don’t know how bad this thing can get. You’ve barely seen the tip of the iceberg. The foul words that come screaming out of my mouth, the things I throw and hit and break—I’ve punched my way through doors, through walls, even through people. That’s how I landed in jail. Do you think I want Paige to see me like that?”

“Of course not. But if you’re not ready to stay, maybe you could try the VA again. Spend some time. Let them work with you. Then you could come back here. You’d always be welcome.”

Jake shook his head. “The VA was a dead end for me. Counseling was a waste of time, and medication only made me dopey. The best I can do on my own is try to keep the bad spells under control. Most of the time, I manage. But sometimes I can’t help it. Something triggers me and all hell breaks loose. I’ve got an engineering degree, but I can’t hold down any kind of decent job, let alone be a decent father.”

When she didn’t reply, he walked to the edge of the pool and stood for a moment, listening to the splash of the waterfall and the drone of frog calls. “You’ve worked with vets. You’ve heard about the hell over there and what it did to some of us. The real thing was a hundred times worse than what you read about or saw on TV. But I was able to handle it as long as I knew Wendy was waiting for me back home. Hearing her voice, seeing her face when we managed to Skype—she kept me grounded. If she’d been there through that last deployment, I think I might have been all right. But without her, there was nothing to keep the nightmares out.”

“I’m sorry.” Kira’s whisper was laced with anguish.

“The accident wasn’t your fault. But it happened, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be right again.”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Jake knew he’d said the wrong thing. But the damage was done. A moment of tense silence passed before she spoke. “We should go. Dusty will be needing our help.”

Jake followed her as she led the way back to the horses. Saying little, they mounted and rode single file up the trail.

Sensitivity had never been one of his strong points, but he’d just hit a new low. After enjoying that tender, passionate kiss, he had pretty much slapped her in the face.

Should he apologize, or would that only make things worse?

Never mind. He felt like a jerk, but what was done was done. He had just added one more item to his list of reasons to leave here.

* * *

As they rode under the ranch gate, Kira forced the past hour’s happenings into one of her mental boxes and locked it tight. She’d battled tears most of the way up the trail. But it was time to forget how Jake’s kiss had stirred her. Time to put aside what she’d felt when he’d told her how he’d depended on Wendy’s support to give him hope—and how he’d fallen over the edge after he’d lost her.

Jake was still in love with his beautiful wife. She should have reminded herself of that when he took her in his arms. Instead she’d responded to him—and left herself open to humiliation. There was more to Wendy than Jake knew. But she would never tell him. Why cause more pain when he’d already suffered so much?

“You can go on up to the house,” he said as they neared the stable. “I’ll put the horses away.”

“Thanks.” Kira dismounted, making an effort to act as if nothing had changed between them. “I’m sure Dusty could use a hand with the students. We’ll be doing more groundwork in the morning. I’ll see you then.”

“One request,” he said. “Your students have picked their horses. Is it okay if I choose this old boy for mine?” He patted Dynamite’s shoulder. “He’s no Derby winner, but he’s growing on me.”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” she said. “Dynamite’s a great horse.”

“And can I take him out for practice whenever I get time?”

“Sure. He’s yours for the duration—or even for keeps if you change your mind about sticking around.”

“Let’s table that,” Jake said. “I’ve got a loan to repay and a bike to fix. I won’t be leaving anytime soon.”

“Fine. Turn off the light and bolt the stable door when you’re finished with the horses.” Emotions wearing thin, Kira strode off toward the house. Jake had put her through the wringer tonight. Maybe in the morning, she’d feel calm enough to deal with him. But tonight she couldn’t get away fast enough.

As she neared the front porch, she saw Paige sitting on the top step with her arm around the dog. Concerned, she hurried toward the little girl.

“What are you doing out here alone, Paige? Is everything all right?”