What If

Like really together. A ring on my finger and kids running around pulling on our hands and making our lives a mixture of loving chaos.

It’s too soon.

The voice in my head repeats, and I look into the rearview mirror to see a black Hummer behind me. I saw the same, or similar, car in the back parking lot at the bakery when I left. Seems odd, but I don’t think much of it as I make my way toward the store and five minutes later into the parking lot.

I pull the Buick into a space at the end of the row where there’s no possibility of anyone else dinging the pristine beige sedan.

As I gather my purse, my phone rings, it’s Torin.

“Hello?” I answer, my stomach doing a few flips.

“Hi, baby.” His deep voice resonates down through my heat and tickles between my legs. “Sorry, I had to hear your voice.”

I giggle. “Thanks. I’m glad you called.”

“I had to tell you something, over the phone is probably not the right way, but I couldn’t wait.”

“Okay.” I’m nervous as his words deepen.

“You may not be ready for this, and you don’t have to say it back, but I didn’t want another minute to go by without you knowing. I’m in love with you, Jessie. I love you. That’s all. I just had to say it.”

I sit in the car in stunned silence, listening to my heart pound in my ears.

I want to reply, but I’m frozen. I’ve never said those words to anyone before. I’ll admit, I’ve thought about it with Torin, but I never believed he was feeling the same thing and would actually say it so soon.

His voice breaks through. “Jessie. Are you there? You don’t have to say it back, but please say something.”

“I love you too,” I blurt out before I can stop myself.

“Fuck, yes,” he answers, and I can practically see him doing a fist pump to the sky. “Baby, I fucking love you. I’ve never said that to anyone before. It never felt even close to right. Oh, and now that I’m on a high from you saying it back, I have to tell you…”

He pauses, and I urge him on because he sounds excited. “Tell me what?”

“Unless something dramatic happens, it’s looking like that promotion is mine. So, unless I fall on my face, do something to embarrass the department, by this time next week you are going to be in love with the new Head Detective.”

My stomach flips and sinks, but I force cheerfulness into my voice. “That’s amazing. I’m so happy and proud of you.”

“Thanks, baby. You have no idea what it means to hear you say that.”

I hear someone in the background, calling his name.

“Baby, I fucking love you. But I have to go. I’ll see you in a couple of hours, okay? I have some meetings and things going on, might be a while before I can text or call, but I’ll be thinking about you every second.”

“Okay,” I reply, and we wrap it up, leaving me feeling conflicted but giddy as I get out of the car and start to walk toward the doors of the store.

Ten minutes later, I’m back out the door with the white plastic shopping bag with Helga’s spoons. Inside my head, I’m practicing a thousand ways I could tell Torin about my past.

None of which seem to do the job I’d like, which is to just make it all go away. I’m lost in thought as I walk and practically jump out of my skin when someone bumps into me from behind.

When I turn, my heart is in my throat.

It’s Derek.

“Hi there, Jessie Patrick. Author. Aaaaaand, wait for it…drug dealer. I told you I was coming closer. I’ve been following you on Facebook. Nice little career you’ve got going there.”

I stop in my tracks, but Derek brings a hand with something sharp in it to my side as he throws his other arm around my shoulders, leaning down to kiss me on the lips.

I freeze but he has us moving forward, and I look up to see the black Hummer parked by Helga’s car.

“The way I see it, you owe me a favor. And, for that favor, I promise not to out you to your readers.”

My stomach drops to my feet.

I’m silent as he continues. “I knew everything about you after your boss gave me your info. When I met you at the bar, I already knew who you were. Your high and mighty princess act is just that. An act. Felony drug conviction doesn’t fit with your image, does it, princess?”

“What do you want?” My voice shakes as he walks me around to the passenger seat of the black SUV.

“You to do what I tell you to do. Won’t take long. I’m not a guy who likes to linger. Just get your ass inside, I’ll explain what I want, you’ll do it, and balance will be restored to the universe. I need something done, and you’re going to do it.”