What If

“I guess deep down, that’s what I wanted. I just couldn’t bear to ruin your life. It would have pushed me over the edge. The guilt. Thinking that secretly you resented me. I wouldn’t have been able to do it. I’m sorry. I know I’m not perfect. I have problems—”

“We.” I stop her. “We all have problems. And yours? Yours are mine. And unfortunately, you will find out someday I’m sure, mine are yours.” I chuckle and turn the wheel as I head down the dirt road to the house.

“What?” She gives me a playful, incredulous stare. “You have problems? Say it isn’t so.”

“Baby, here’s the deal. I’m getting you bound to me in every possible way. Then, the shit storm is going to start.” I kid, and she shakes her head with an eye roll.

“Oh goody. I love a good shit storm.” We both laugh, and she leans over and wraps her other hand around my arm, resting her head on my shoulder with a sigh, and I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.

A minute later, I pull down the pine tree-lined drive, and a feeling of being completely and totally alive embraces me. Watching Jessie’s eyes as she takes in the landscape, then the house, as it all comes into view, is like all my dreams come true.

“Where are we?” She breathes out, sitting up straight as I put the truck in park and hop out to come around and get her out.

I open her door and reach up. She puts her hands on my shoulders, and I help her down, keeping her body pressed against mine, then wrap her in my arms and turn us both toward the white-pillared house that rivals any southern plantation mansion.

“My great grandfather built this for my grandmother. She loved Gone with the Wind. And when he made his fortune manufacturing guns and ammunition, he built this for her. It’s been in my family since.”

Her hands come up and grip my forearms and the sweetest fucking smile blossoms on her face, raising pink on her cheeks and causing the sun to reflect off her blonde hair.

To imagine she almost went to prison and away from me has my throat tightening. I want to hold her forever and be sure nothing or no one comes between us ever again.

“Who lives here now?” She licks her bottom lip, and I lean down to kiss the shiny spot there, pulling it between my teeth as I fight off the urge to spin her around and fuck her right here.

Not for my own pleasure, no. What it means to me is so much more. Every time she takes me inside her, I give her my soul. That’s how it feels. Fucking her, making love to her, any physical expression of my desire is another way for her to know my heart is hers and hers is mine.

“Well.” I look at the house, then down to see the question in her eyes. “We do.”

She steps back against the side of the truck, and I shove my hands down into my pockets, watching the wonder bloom on her face.

“What?”

“Jessie.” I take a hand out and run it down my face. I wasn’t sure how today was going to turn out, but I will say one of my strengths is always being prepared. And I am. “This house has been mine since my grandmother passed away. But it never felt like home to me. Never felt like the time was right for me to be here.” I pause, stepping forward and reaching into my back pocket. “Until I met you. That day in the fucking bar, Jessie, you walked through that door, and you know what flashed through my mind?”

I close the space between us, feeling my heartbeat speed and the innocence on her face has me falling in love with her all over again.

“Um…” She tugs her lips to the side and looks up at the sky in mock deep thought. “Nope. I got nothing.”

“This place. I saw you, closed my eyes for a second and I saw you, Jessie. Here.” I turn to look at the house, remembering that day. “You were standing there on the porch. Your hair was blowing in your face. You were wearing this white sort of cotton dress, with lace and you know what else?”

I look back at her to see her staring at me.

I swallow hard and all the wonder and confusion of that moment floods back. “I saw me, standing behind you. My arms wrapped around your belly. You were pregnant and had this on your finger.”

I pull the little box out of my back pocket and in one motion flip it open and I’m down on my knee. I want it all, the fairy tale, down on one knee, happily ever after and I’m not ashamed.