What If

“We’ll be back.” I intone in my best Terminator voice. “You finish packing. We’ll leave for the airport in two hours.”

“God I’m so nervous.” Jessie puts her hands on her cheeks, and I lean over and give her a kiss as the kids tug on my hands.

“Baby, you get nervous for every book signing and every one turns our great. You will be fine. I will be right there like always.”

“I know. I can’t help it. I think every book, every signing will be the one that everyone figures out I suck at this and no one buys the book or comes to my table at the signing. Ugg, I hate it, but I get so anxious.”

“Listen to me.” Torin meets and holds my eyes. “Close the door behind us. Take fifteen minutes to meditate. If your anxiety is still going up, do what you need to do and take something baby. Okay?”

She nods and I give her one last kiss on the nose before being dragged down the stairs and out the back porch.

“Go on. I’ll meet you at the barn. Get the harnesses out, the brushes ready. Go!” I flap my hands forward and the three run ahead screeching and racing to be first to the barn where I’ll take them on a carriage ride with our two Clydesdales, Daisy and Gatsby.

Behind the kids three of our dogs follow in chase as the leaves under my feet crunch and the late September crisp air reminds us that winter will be here shortly.

I’ve stepped down from my position on the force. I was shot in the line of duty six years ago and as much as I love my job, I love my family more and Jessie supported me in whatever decision I made. But in the end, I stepped down and started my own detective agency and actually do some consulting with the department still keeping me in touch with everyone back at the precinct.

The agency has grown exponentially every year, and we have satellite offices in thirty states. Gerry came on board with me three years ago and runs the day to day operations while I try to work as much as possible from home.

Sandra who owned and managed Lucky Charlie’s is here with Gerry today as well. Long story short, Sandra always had the hots for Gerry, not me. She only flirted with me when Gerry was around and both of us were too dumb to pick up on it. She wanted him to do more than throw her a few funny side comments and he didn’t think she would ever be interested in him.

The time we waste playing games.

Those two finally got their shit straight and got together a year after Jessie and I married, and they made their union official four years ago. They are on their way to watch the kids while we go to London for a book signing. Helga and Spencer are coming as well to help and who are both still doing remarkably well for being in their nineties.

Jessie and I will do a whirlwind trip, four days because neither of us can stand to be away from the kids for any longer. We have our fairy tale. We’ve had our share of challenges but what we’ve learned is love is like surfing. Sometimes you ride the wave, sometimes you get sucked under but the one thing you have to keep doing is getting back on that board and paddling back out to catch the next wave.

Because there is always a next wave.

And the view from up there is better than I could have imagined.

All because a girl in a bar punched blind date number twenty-eight and I just happened to be in the right place at the right time

God, I love my wife.

I love my life.

Sometimes, the ‘what if’s’ take you exactly where you need to be.