I disagree, I don’t think that I will ever find love again. Not like what I shared with Chloe. I’m not sure I want to.
“It looks like we’re boarding now.” I’m glad for the distraction because I feel like I might cry. Losing Chloe is going to tear me apart. “Come on, Mom. We need to get back.”
We move together, both lost in our own thoughts, and we climb aboard the flight. I take the seat by the window and stare out, knowing that this is the last time I will see this place forever. This is a fresh start though, I suppose, but one which is born out of so much tragedy.
“We will be okay,” Mom tells me reassuringly. She rests her hand on top of mine. “I know that it doesn’t feel that way right now, believe me I’m feeling it just as much as you, but we will. We’re strong enough to get through anything.”
God, her words strike hard. I nod at Mom and let her know that I’m on board with her plan to at least try and make this work.
“I know, Mom. I will do my best. For the both of us. I promise you.”
“I know you will.”
I might love Chloe with all of my heart, and nothing will change that, but me leaving is the only way out for all of us. I just hope that this time I’m walking away with her forgiveness.
Chapter 21 – Chloe
“You look sad.” Alex pulls me in for a hug, knowing that my world is imploding. “I shouldn’t have left you alone last night.”
“No, it isn’t your fault,” I mumble into her chest. “I wanted to be alone, I’m just going to be sad for a while.” I pull back to look at my friend. “And that’s okay. Ted came over…”
“Oh God.” My best friend goes as white as a sheet. “Did something happen? What did he do?”
“He didn’t do anything, and nothing happened, he just came to say goodbye, that’s all. He’s gone for good.”
Alex’s shoulders sag with relief. “Good, I’m glad. I don’t think I could handle it if anything happened to you. I’ve been so worried. You know he’s trouble Chloe …”
This is the issue, isn’t it? Everyone else only sees Ted for what he got himself mixed up in, who he managed to hurt along the way, but I see who he is inside. That isn’t him.
“Yeah, well…” I shrug helplessly. “Nothing that I can do about it now, is there?”
“Right,” Alex agrees. “And I will be here for you the whole time. I know that it’s going to break your heart, but you will recover, I promise you.”
I know what she means, and I’m sure that she has my best interests at heart, but I can’t see it through my pain right now. I didn’t even get over Ted the first time he ran off. What the hell am I supposed to do now that we’ve slept together and I realized I’ve been in love with him this whole time.
“I need a coffee.” My friend rushes to get me one. I couldn’t be more grateful to have her. All I have of Ted now is that damn letter. “Thank you, Alex. You’re an amazing friend.”
I force a fake smile on my face, one that I know will be there all day long. I can’t let anyone else see that I’m hurting, or they will start asking questions. Questions that I definitely can’t answer without falling apart.
Alex sits beside me and starts talking about nothing in particular, trying to distract me from my pain, and I let her. I need more than a distraction right now. I listen to her talk, I follow her to work, and I go through the motions of my day, but I’m not distracted enough. I can’t stop thinking about him.
I’m going to miss him like this forever.
“Did you want to grab something to eat?” Alex asks me at the end of the day.
I appreciate it, but just keeping myself going today has been exhausting. My eyes are heavy already and all I want to do is climb in to bed, sleep this horrible day off so that I can try again tomorrow.
“Thanks, Alex, but I’m not really hungry. I just want to rest. I will give you a call later on though…”
“Cool, of course.” She looks a little hurt that I won’t let her help me, but I think she understands. “I will be waiting for the call. Whatever you need, I’ll be there. In a heartbeat, you know that don’t you?”
I pull her in for an impulsive hug. This time I might not have my mother to help me through my broken heart, but at least I have my best friend. This would be so much harder if I was alone. “Thank you, I know that, Alex. I don’t know what I would do without you. Honestly.”