I know it's loud and ugly, but I'm by myself under this willow tree and I don't care. Catherine is smiling so big with Challenger, her big black beauty. He's wearing a wreath full of flowers and she's holding a bright blue ribbon and they're grinning like fools and she's so happy. She should be because she won and she earned it.
I'm happy for her, but God, I wish I were there. I wish Chestnut were alive. I wish we were both there, together. I wish for a hundred things that will never be true or possible. If he were here, I’d nuzzle against him, knowing he’d give me unconditional love. I’d take him out for a long ride, and he’d help me release all my pent-up emotions of the day. Now I feel like I am holding them all in.
My heart, it aches in ways I'm not prepared for. I turn off my phone. I shove it in my pocket, and I wipe my tears away again. I know I must look like a mess, like a fool. And when I look up, Ledger is leaning against the fence of the corral, and he's looking straight at me, worried, his face crumbled.
"Liv," he says, hopping over the fence. "Liv, what's wrong?"
"It's nothing," I say, "I'm fine." I'm brushing away the tears, and I'm brushing him off too because I can't do this. I can’t do it now. It feels too soon, too raw to talk about this, any of it.
"Liv," Ledger says. He's reaching for my hand, trying to hold me back, hold me still.
"No," I say, "really, I'm fine. I was just talking to a friend."
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
“No, you're at work.” I brush my hair away, and in doing so I accidently offer hm access to look into my eyes, really look into them.
So I look into his and I realize for the first time they're big and they're brown and they look like Hershey kisses. They make me melt in ways I wasn’t prepared for.
"Liv," he says, "I'm real sorry the call made you cry."
I lick my lips. "Me too," I whisper. He has a hold on my fingers, and it's electric and alarming, and I tell myself to make my feet move, one foot in front of the other.
I have to go.
I can't do this, stay here with him. I don’t trust myself.
If I stay, I’ll unravel in his arms. I‘ll just keep crying; so I go, I run.
We may have just met, but Ledger knows enough not to chase after me.
3
Ledger
For the rest of the day, it's damn near impossible to concentrate on my job. Hell, I love the horses here at this ranch – at any ranch because they are the one thing that can hold my attention – but seeing Liv like that, all torn up, it damn near kills me.
"What's on your mind?" Jake asks as we finish our duties for the day. It's hot out and I'm ready for a cold shower. My muscles are tense, and my mind is full of her.
Her. I don't exactly want to be talking about that with Jake.
I shake my head. "Just got a lot on my mind," I tell him.
"Your dad?" he asks.
I shrug. "What do you really know about my father?"
Jake laughs. "I know he has a reputation for being an ass. The little you've said about him just confirmed what I already knew before I ever met you."
I shrug, closing the barn doors, and head with him to the dining hall. "I'm starving."
"Is that your way of ignoring what I asked?"
"You really want to talk about my father?" I ask.
Jake shrugs. "I don't know. Kind of looking for a new job."
"Really?" I ask. "You don't like working here at Buckle Down Ranch?"
He grunts. "I do, but..."
"But what?"
"I guess what I'm trying to say is if you ever are leaving and going home to work for your father, maybe I could come too."
I chuckle, running a hand over my jaw. "I see what you're saying. You want to work for me one day?" I laugh. "Damn, Jake, you should've just said it."
He laughs. "Hell, I like working with you. You're my best friend out here. I've lived in Whiskey Run my whole damn life. But this job I got is seasonal. Wouldn’t mind moving along with you at the end of fall."
"My dad's ranch is only 90 minutes away. I basically grew up in Whiskey Run myself."
"I know, but I’d like to keep working with you. And you’ve hinted at wanting to get back home soon. I just wanted to put out feelers. If you’re headed back to Starborn Ranch, I’d like to come too."
"I'll keep that in mind, Jake, but knowing my father, I'm not sure I'm leaving anytime soon."