“I am calling the police.” Mom is yelling now. It’s scary to hear her shout. “She’s missing. Anything could have happened to her. You said that random people turned up at the party? She could be kidnapped, or attacked, or hurt somewhere…”
“Mom, she just stormed off.” I try to speak past the giant ball of emotion lodged in my throat, but I don’t think I’m fooling anyone. Mom just labeled all the fears that I’ve been trying not to think of. “I’m sure she’s just pissed off hiding somewhere, trying to rile me up. She wouldn’t want the police to be involved.”
“You don’t think she would want the police to be involved, that’s the problem? I don’t give a shit.” I blanche. I haven’t ever heard my mother swear like that before. “I’m calling them now so you better get your ass home.”
“Who was that?” Jill trembles by my side. “Please tell me that was Sadie? I’m really freaked out now…”
I shake my head sadly. “No, I was calling Mom, but she isn’t home yet. She could be on the way though.”
“Walking?” Jill looks at me doubtfully. “Do you think she would have walked home?”
“I don’t know, but I think that it might be time for me to get in the car. She isn’t here, is she?” Plus, if Mom is calling the cops, they will be crawling all over the place in a heartbeat. “I need to find her and if she is walking home, that is best idea for me right now. You stay here and catch a ride with someone else. Get home safe…”
“No way.” She grabs my hand hard, possessively almost. “I don’t want to go with anyone else. I want to go with you. I want to find Sadie just as much as you so please don’t leave me.”
I stare Jill down, trying to make her give in, but there is too much determination in her eyes. I’m worried, I want to get start searching for Sadie right away because it already feels like it’s been too long.
“Okay fine.” I resist the urge to roll my eyes, I don’t want to hurt Jill’s feelings. “Let’s go right now.”
I tell Benny to keep everyone looking at the farm which he agrees to, despite looking shell shocked and like he might still be a bit drunk. He wants to help me out as much as he can, for which I am very grateful, I’m just not sure how helpful intoxicated people can be right now. It’s frustrating because all this caring isn’t getting us anywhere. There aren’t answers. But maybe when Jill and I get out on to the road, we can find her. I can’t imagine Sadie doing anything stupid as walking home on her own, drunk and in the dark, but she was furious. Angrier than I have ever seen her before, and she drank too much so there is no guarantee that she was thinking clearly. I just hope that we stumble across her and all this mess is one big misunderstanding to get sorted out. This has turned out to be one of the worst nights of my life. The best, then the worst. Honestly, I could break down and with the emotional roller coaster that I am on, but I won’t. I can’t right now.
I need to be strong for Jill and my family, they need me right now. I’ll hold everything inside until all of this is over and then I will let my emotions out.
In the car, I notice that both Jill and myself have ragged shaky breaths. I can also feel my heart pounding now. It’s jack hammering against my rib cage. The anxiety swimming around in my stomach is now so intense that I can hardly concentrate. I don’t know how I am going to drive.
“Are you okay?” Jill touches my arm, but her fingers seem to burn my skin. I snatch away without realizing what I’m doing… until I see the hurt in her face. I part my lips to apologize but nothing comes out. Instead, I simply nod and bring the car to life, at least safe in the knowledge that I’m doing something proactive.
There are woodlands, everywhere. I’ve never really paid much attention to that before, but now it’s all that I can see. The horrible things that Mom suggested might be happening crush through my mind, making me feel sick. What if I am driving past her right now and something bad is happening to her? One of those dreadful things that only happen in horror movies or in the news.
Oh God. I mean, those things do happen to real families, I just never thought that it would be mine. Now, all the blurry faces of those random people at the party who I hardly paid any attention to, are back and threatening my sanity. Fuck, I’m about to lose it…