“I take it this is good news then, you both look very happy, congratulations.” the doctor comments.
At least I’m not the only one crying now. Jill is just as weepy as me, but it’s all happy tears, things have never been better. I am going to be a father to my own little baby girl.
“What are we going to call her?” Jill asks me excitedly as soon as we leave the appointment.
None of us say anything as we exit the building and head towards the car. I can almost feel Jill’s thoughts spinning as rapidly as my own. But as soon as we are both strapped into the car, she turns to stare at me with her eyes shining.
“I have an idea,” she declares with a tremble in her voice. I don’t know why, but she makes me feel nervous as she says this. “I have an idea for a name.”
“Okay…” I drawl slowly.
She pauses thoughtfully and I have to admit that my nerves are. I don’t know what she’s about to suggest here. “It’s more that it might make you emotional.” I nod, silently letting her know that I want her to say whatever it is she has to say. “I think that we should call our baby girl Sadie.”
Oh my God. My heart stops beating as she says that, and I feel everything all at once… in a good way. I love this, it’s the perfect way to keep my sister’s memory alive and to honor her as well. Sadie would love this. If she only knew that she was going to have a niece named after her…
“I love it.” I grab Jill and hold her close, trying my hardest not to let the tears fall. “I would love to call our baby girl Sadie, and my mom will absolutely love it. We should go tell her?”
“Oh, for sure.” Jill pulls back and grins at me. “She has been our biggest supporter since day one, hasn’t she? It’s been a while since I have seen Annette anyway and I would love to hang out with her. Especially today.”
I start the car with a giant smile on my face, so excited to go and see my mom. I feel like me and her have a much better relationship than we have ever had before. We are both moving forward while also keeping Sadie’s memory alive. Jill and my therapist have helped me with this. I wouldn’t have been able to do any of this without them. Finally, I am beyond the man who spent most of his life on the wrong side of a bar.
And, I am about to become a father to a beautiful baby girl.…
***
“Oh my God.” Mom claps her hand to her mouth in shock as we deliver the news. Not only that we are having a baby girl, but also that we intend to call her Sadie. “That’s so lovely, you two. Oh my God, you are so sweet.”
“Well, she was my best friend,” Jill replies with a soft smile. “Part of my family as much as she was yours.”
“It’s lovely.” Mom hugs Jill gratefully. “Oh God, you are so wonderful for my son, Jill. Not only were you an amazing friend to Sadie, and practically a second daughter to me, now you have managed to pull my family out of the pits of depression. And you are carrying my grandchild. I am forever grateful.”
They are both crying now, but it’s happy tears. I like happy tears. I have had too many sad ones in my life. I have to admit as I watch them both hugging, this isn’t the family that I necessarily thought that I would grow up having, I always assumed that my sister would be around too, but this is better than I probably deserve.
For years I pushed everyone away and made sure that no one relied on me. I didn’t let anyone in. And now, I have the world.
“You two are staying for dinner,” Mom finally insists. “This is a day to celebrate.”
“Sounds good to me.” Jill nods and I immediately agree. “Thank you.”
As Mom cooks, she also gets out the old family photo albums so that we can look through the pictures. With Jill, I don’t need to be embarrassed about the awkward kid phase, because she is in a lot of them. She was there through a lot of my childhood. We are both more focused on the photos of Sadie anyway. We can talk about the good times now. Because we did have a lot of fun and it’s these pictures and memories that we will share with our daughter as she grows up.
Just before dinner is served, Jill excuses herself to the bathroom, which gives me a chance to speak to Mom alone. Although Mom and Jill are extremely close, there are some things that she might only be able to say to me.