I force myself not to shy away from his touch. Yes, I must force myself, even though something inside me desperately wants his touch.
A touch from a man I don’t even know. Who I only just met.
So odd.
For someone who spent the last ten years being touched by men she didn’t know, I have no idea why I want that now.
I want him to kiss my lips again. And I don’t want it just as much, because I know I’m not ready for it.
I’m nowhere close to healed from the trauma I endured, but I’ve healed enough to be on my own, to take back my life.
And I wonder…
What if taking back my life means taking back my body as well? Deciding for myself who to let touch me? Kiss me?
Of course it does. I’ve had enough therapy to know the answer, but I never really thought about what it truly meant until now. This moment.
Luke takes another tentative step forward. Only about a foot separates us now, and his hand still softly caresses my cheek.
“May I…”
My heart still pounds. So quickly I wonder if this is even healthy. But I already know my answer.
I nod. “Yes. Please.”
Another brush of his lips. And he has the most beautiful full lips I’ve ever seen on a man.
Another peck, and then another. Then he lets his lips slide over mine, and I…
God, should I?
I part my lips slightly.
He doesn’t rush in, even though I almost want him to. Instead, he softly slides his tongue over my lower lip and then probes between them.
I stifle a gasp when our tongues meet.
It’s still a soft kiss. He’s letting me lead him.
Part of me wants him to dive right in, take control. But that part of me isn’t my brain, and I need to keep my brain focused at the moment.
I don’t know this man. He could be anyone.
But his gentleness…
He’s kind. In my heart, I know this.
If I want a deeper kiss, I’m going to have to give him a signal, and though my body is telling me to go for it, I don’t.
Not yet.
Not with a man I just met.
I’ve had enough of doing things with a man I just met.
This time, I want to go slowly. Get to know my partner. And if Luke isn’t interested in going that route? I’ll walk away.
I’ll be strong, and I’ll walk away.
I have to. For myself. To take it all back. Not just my body, but my life. My self.
No matter how much he makes my heart sing.
And it’s singing. It’s singing in a way I never could have imagined.
I was a mere eighteen when I was taken. I’m pushing close to thirty now, and I’m both experienced and inexperienced. I need to go slowly.
Oh, this kiss.
So easily I could part my lips just a little more, wrap my arms around his neck and pull him even closer.
So easily…
But I don’t. I twist my head, and his lips slide to my cheek. A breeze hits me, cooling my skin where his lips have trailed a path of wetness.
Luke steps back. “Are you okay?”
All I can do is nod. I don’t trust myself to try to speak. The thoughts whirling in my head are…jumbled. Just thoughts and feelings and single words.
I’m not sure what would come out if I tried to talk.
“You want me to get you a cab?”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
“Come on.” He takes my hand. “If I stay out here any longer I’ll be out of a job.”
“Oh!” I clamp my hand to my mouth. “I’m so sorry. I’m keeping you from your work. Forgive me. I wasn’t thinking.”
He smiles. “There’s nothing to forgive. I’m out here with you because I want to be. Lois is cool. She’ll probably understand. If not?” He shrugs. “I’ll get another job easy. I’m a crazy good server.”
A chuckle escapes my throat. An actual chuckle. Not quite a laugh, but I’ll take it.
Boy, it’s been a long time. A really long time.
I guess I laughed a few times at the center. I think I did. A couple of the residents were really funny. The kind who hide their hurt under an armor of jokes. I felt for them, but they were pretty darned funny. And even though I know they were covering up their own pain, I’ll always remember them—and be grateful to them—for making me smile. Sometimes even laugh.
But this. Luke. This chuckle is more of a laugh than I’ve had since…well…since, before.
“Did I say something amusing?” he asks, his eyes sparkling.
“You did. And thank you.”
“Thank me? What? You don’t think I’m a crazy good server?”
“Luke, I know you are, even though I have no knowledge other than you taking our orders. Thank you. For making me laugh. For… For everything.”
“My pleasure”—he touches my cheek once more—“Katelyn.”
A spark. A real honest-to-goodness spark. It shoots right through Luke’s fingertips and into my cheek, and then it darts downward.