“Macy!” I call.
I’m surprised at myself. This isn’t my way. I never take this kind of initiative.
Macy turns. “Katelyn, is everything all right?”
“Yeah. Yeah. I think so.”
“You think so?”
“Do you…” I clear my throat. “Do you have a minute?
“Of course.” She walks toward me. “You want to go into my office?”
“Yes, thank you.”
I follow Macy back into the fellowship hall and through a door behind the wall. Her office is small but cozy. A photo of two children and two dogs hangs on the wall.
“Yours?”
“Guilty,” she says. “Two babies and two fur babies.”
“They’re beautiful.”
“Thank you. I like them.” She smiles. “What can I do for you, Katelyn?”
“I… Well… I kind of have a date tonight.”
Macy widens her eyes. “Oh?”
“Yeah. It’s… Well, I was at The Glass House with Zee last night.”
“When she went into labor?”
“Yeah. How are she and the baby, by the way?”
“I haven’t heard anything since Reid’s text this morning, but I assume everything’s good.” She grabs her phone. “Here’s a photo.”
I take the phone from her. Zee’s face is pale and her eyes rimmed with dark circles, and baby Honor is a red newborn.
But I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so beautiful in my life.
A smile splits my face before I know it.
“A new baby puts things into perspective, doesn’t it?” Macy says.
I nod. I have no words. I never thought I’d have a baby. I never thought I’d live this long. Now…is it all possible?
“The thing you said today during group,” I say, “that you don’t have to wait until life is no longer difficult to be happy.”
She nods.
“Those words… They spoke to me. I’ve been through the wringer and hung out to dry. So much therapy, and it helped, of course. I wouldn’t be here, on my own—well, sort of on my own—if it hadn’t worked. But Macy, during all that therapy, no one ever said those particular words.”
“Really?”
“Really. And they seem so simple.”
“Life is far from simple, Katelyn,” Macy says, “but in the end, happiness is a choice. You can choose to be miserable, or you can choose to be happy. Unfortunately, many choose the former.”
“Do you think… Do you think I could have chosen happiness on the island?”
Macy smiles. “Now that’s a different thing altogether. You were being abused, kept against your will. There’s only so much a good attitude can do for a person. My words were meant for your life now. I was particularly responding to Lily’s comment that she expects to be happy someday. In my mind, there’s no reason for her to wait until someday. She’s no longer being held against her will. She’s no longer being hunted and violated. She’s free. There’s no reason for happiness to be left for someday. Does that make sense to you?”
“It does.”
“Was that all? Or did you want to talk about something else?”
“I… Yeah… I want to talk about something else, but I don’t want to keep you.”
“You’re not keeping me. I’m here to help, Katelyn.”
“I know, but you said you’re here in the mornings.”
“I am. Eight until noon. But I don’t have anything pressing, so I’m glad to stay a few moments to help you.”
“Thank you. That’s kind of you.”
“Being a therapist is a twenty-four-seven thing,” she says.
“What do you do in the afternoons?”
“I have a private practice.”
I nod. “Okay.”
“My first appointment isn’t until two o’clock today, so I have some time to chat with you. What’s troubling you, Katelyn?”
“Nothing,” I say, “which I think is the issue.”
She smiles. “You’re going to have to elaborate.”
The story spills out of me. Luke. His kisses. Our date tonight. His earlier phone call, which was odd.
“And how are you feeling about this date?” Macy asks.
“I’m ambivalent,” I tell her. “Totally ambivalent. I’m excited about it. Truly. I’m attracted to this man. But on the other hand, I have no business putting myself out there yet. I’m so far from a whole person. I’ve been through literal hell, Macy. I don’t know what to do.”
“What do you want to do?”
“I want to go.”
“Then go. You’ve done your due diligence. You’re meeting him there. You’re not going to be alone with him. Not unless you choose it. You have the power, Katelyn.
“I’m not used to having the power.”
“I know you’re not. But you said this morning in group that you kept your name because you wanted to take it back. You wanted to take back your life. This is all part of that.”
I nod. She’s right. Everything she says makes perfect and logical sense.
So why am I fighting it?
“I just met him,” I say, “and I let him kiss me.”
“Do you feel you could have stopped him?”
“Yes. Yes, I do. He wasn’t at all forceful.”
“Then you kissed him because you wanted to. True, you may not be completely ready for any kind of relationship, but stepping out of the comfort zone isn’t a bad thing.”