“Just so you know, I’m making them up as I go along.”
Chapter Nineteen
There was something different about Ty. Something more open and approachable in his demeanor that confounded her. Vicki didn’t know what to make of it, and because she wasn’t sure how long it would last, she didn’t know if she could trust it.
She was buckled in the back seat of the car, and they were out in traffic before he spoke again.
“I thought about you every day,” he admitted while she was hunting through her bag for her phone. Her head jerked up, and her eyes flew to the rearview mirror, but he appeared to be focused on the traffic.
He had thought about her every day? Was that the same as missing her? Did she even care anymore? She told herself she didn’t, but that was a bald-faced lie.
“I was worried about you and hoped you were taking care of yourself,” he continued.
“Why would you think I wouldn’t be taking care of myself?” she asked and was insulted when his jaw literally dropped at the question.
“Why?” he repeated, his voice matching his incredulous expression. “Because you’re stubborn, and you don’t always act in your own best interests.”
That brought her hackles up. “Are you saying I’m self-destructive?”
“No, honey…” His voice was gentle, but it still made her bristle. “You’re honestly one of the most well-adjusted people I know.”
She laughed, but the sound was spiced with bitterness. “You should widen your circle of acquaintances if that’s true. I used to think I was well-adjusted before…”
Her voice petered out as she considered what she’d been about to divulge. She didn’t want to play this strange game with Ty anymore.
“Before?” he prompted her. She sighed, her thumbnail picking at the seam of her phone case. “Vicki?”
Damn it.
Throwing caution to the wind, uncaring of how much she revealed with her response, she glared at his reflection in the mirror. “Before you, Ty. Before what happened between us. I don’t blame you, it was my fault. I knew exactly what you wanted and expected from me. And if I felt grubby and small after each encounter? That was on me.”
He parked the car in what looked like an empty loading dock and hooked his elbow over the back of the driver’s seat. Removing his sunglasses with the same hand, he half-turned in his seat to look at her.
A little disconcerted to have that unwavering, intense stare fixed on her face, Vicki fidgeted with the tassels on her silk scarf and continued. “I’m a complete mess because I still want you. And even though I know nothing has changed—nothing will change—I find myself tempted to try again. To finish what we started and to hell with the consequences. I’ve been a little emotionally unbalanced recently, because the way I feel about you is pretty damned toxic to my mental and emotional health.”
“It was never my intention to make you feel grubby and small, Vicki…” The deep rumble of his voice resonated in her chest. His mouth was flat with displeasure, and his eyes sparked with something that looked like misery. “I’m so sorry.”
“You didn’t make me feel that way, Ty. I told you…I did.”
“You’ve been giving me a free pass on everything lately, but this is my fault. I was trying to immunize myself from your charm and warmth by keeping things cool and distant between us. But I didn’t consider what I was doing to you. I wanted you, but I thought I could have you without it touching any other aspect of my life. I was an asshole. I should have left you alone, or gone all in. But I thought I could have the best of both worlds without losing any skin in the game, so to speak.”
They stared at each other for a long, fraught moment.
“Vicki, I—” An angry horn interrupted what he had been about to say, and they both jumped guiltily.
“Oi, move ya fecking car, ya tosser!” an irate male voice shouted.
Ty grimaced. He slid his sunglasses back up the bridge of his nose and refastened his seatbelt. He lowered his window to wave at the pissed off van driver. The man was now leaning on his horn and making rude gestures with his free hand.
Ty maneuvered the car back into the road and stuck his arm out of the window to flip the bird at the still swearing driver.
“Dickhead,” he muttered beneath his breath. Vicki couldn’t stop herself from laughing, the incident lifting her mood considerably.
“In all fairness, you shouldn’t have parked there.”
“He didn’t have to be such a wanker about it.”
“Wanker?” she repeated, delighted.
“Chance is a terrible influence,” he said and she smothered another laugh.
They didn’t speak for the rest of the drive. Because of the detour, they were a few minutes late, and the rest of the staff had already opened shop. Ty received a hero’s welcome when he set foot in the store. It was sweet to see him go bright red when everybody hugged him and welcomed him back. They were all genuinely happy to see him. Vicki hid her smile when Linda fussed over him, ushering him into his seat and getting his paper. Jazz brought him coffee, and Josh asked him for follow-up details on the guy who had tried to rob the store.