Her lips quirked, as she allowed herself to hope for the first time since he had walked in so brazenly just fifteen minutes ago.
His eyes warmed when he saw that glimmer of a smile. “You hung drapes. Put up pictures. Threw those useless plushy cushions everywhere…I don’t even recognize the place anymore.”
“And did that upset you? Do you want your lonely fortress back?”
“Nah, I like those little lap blankets on the chairs, they’re cozy. But seriously, you need to cut back on the pink.”
“I would never…” His rusty sounding chuckle interrupted her protest.
“I just want another chance, honey. I want to do things right this time.”
“What’s the right way of doing things, Ty?”
“No more secrets. I want everyone to know we’re together. Those photos, the ones I took in South Bank?”
“Yes?”
“That evening, every time I tried to turn my lens to some stark, depressing image, I was compelled to angle you into the picture. I was used to seeking out empty, lonely places and objects. They called to me. But when we’re together, you fill my empty spaces. I’m a useless, fucking husk without you, Vicki. And, where before I embraced that emptiness, I find that I can’t stand being that soulless, empty bastard anymore. Not after the way I was with you. The way we were together.”
“Oh, Ty,” she whispered, her eyes welling.
“I know I was an idiot. I know I hurt you. And I’m so, so fucking sorry, honey. But I couldn’t offer you anything but a broken shell of a man before. So, I’ve been working on myself. I’ve been seeing a therapist and he’s helped me gain clarity on so many things, including my feelings for you. I wanted to be more than the closed-up coward I was before. You deserve a man who can love you with the entirety of his being. Not someone whose ghosts crowded you out of his heart.”
“And are you that man now, Ty?” she dared to ask, then held her breath as he considered her question for a millisecond before smiling…an honest to God stunner of a smile.
“I didn’t know it for the longest time, Vicki, but I’ve always been that man. I just needed some help recognizing that truth.”
“Okay,” she said, in the tiniest of voices. Averting her gaze to the paper plastered cork-board behind him.
“Okay?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Do you think you could look at me for a second?” he invited, his voice gentle and undemanding.
“Uh-huh.” She met his eyes shyly, and his smile widened.
“Think you could maybe join me on this side of the desk?” he asked.
“Uh-huh,” she pushed to her feet, and staggered in her haste to round the desk. He took her hand and tumbled her into his lap. She squealed and wrapped her arms around his neck as she fought for balance.
“I love you,” he said.
“Isn’t this all very sudden for you?” Caution and self-preservation prompted the question. But his eyes were filled with understanding, and he toyed with her fingers as he considered her question.
“Not really. I’ve been such an idiot. I fell in love with you that night in my apartment. I was already half gone before then, but you can’t begin to comprehend how much trust I put in you that night. Letting you see my home, that wall, all my dark places. And then allowing you to blindfold me…
“I was so fucking stupid. I should have known right then. But I was stubborn, and it had been so long since I’d loved anyone real, that it took a while for my brain to catch up with my heart.”
She took a moment to absorb his words, and his fingers squeezed hers.
“You believe me, right?”
“You have to be sure, Ty,” she whispered, running her free palm over his stubbled jaw. He reflexively leaned into her touch as if he’d been longing for it.
“I’ve never been more fucking sure of anything in my life. When you left me at that airport—without so much as a backward glance—I knew then what I’d been denying all along. You left with half of my soul and most of my heart that day. And it tore me apart.
“All these years, I’ve been keeping people at a distance because I didn’t want to feel that crippling pain of loss again. And then, when you left, I felt it anyway. I was forced to face the truth in that moment. That I loved you, and that I’d lost you. And that I had no one to blame for that but myself. I panicked, I wanted to board the next flight out of there and beg you to forgive me and take me back. But Hugh’s warning stayed with me. I had to work on myself before I could come to you.”
“And you’ve been doing that?”
“I’m still seeing my therapist. I’ve started redecorating my apartment. I’ve fixed and painted the wall. Forest green, I think you’ll like it. I’ve put most of my mom’s pottery in storage. I kept her vase out though. It always makes me smile. And I returned Dylan’s medal to his family. I told them that, while I appreciated the gesture, I felt that it belonged with them.