“I’ll make breaded chicken and twice baked potatoes.”
“Perfect, Mom. That sounds great.”
“You and him or…”
“Just me.”
Him. She always said ‘him’ or ‘he’ with disdain. She never said his name anymore.
“Sounds good. I’ll see you around…” she lets the question hang.
“Five thirty?”
“Good. I’ll see you then. Love you,” she says.
“Love you, Mom.”
Ray and I had gone there two months earlier for a dinner for my younger brother, Cody’s birthday and it was beyond tense. We didn’t stay too long, and I knew my parents were disappointed. That was the first event he’d gone to since the Christmas before, and when I’d tried to go without him, he insisted on coming with me.
The last visit I’d been at alone for a Sunday dinner with some aunts, uncles, cousins, and my grandfather - my mom was impatient with me. Dad barely talked to me. I knew they didn’t know what to say anymore because I was so withdrawn from them when they asked me about my life.
I need to make things right. I need to repair my relationships and I need to repair myself.
***
Tuesday Night
Dinner with my parents was refreshing, though strange, because there was an elephant in the room. I tried to be chipper. I felt good, or as good as could be expected. I was anxious for the impending doom feeling to go away but how could it when I had no idea where Ray was or when he might be back?
I knew better than to hope he was just magically gone.
All I knew was that I wanted my life back, the one I had before Ray, and part of that was my family.
Mom and Dad were both warmer with me, better than the last time I’d seen them, though there was that elephant… and my brother was his usual self – a screen-absorbed teenager. But he was also happy to see me and actually affectionate, which was something I teased about because he used to be my Cody Cuddlebug and the last few years he was too cool to cuddle.
Susanna is still staying at the apartment with me; we got my super to change the locks and I gave her a key. She lives in a rented house with two other girls and one of them is most likely moving in with her boyfriend soon, so we’ve discussed the potential of me moving in if that happens. I’m not sure about that. I’m feeling like I might need to be alone for a bit, but she insists that being alone is the last thing I need. We’ll see.
Tonight, she’s out at a work function while I’m at my parents’ and we should get back to my place at around the same time.
I told them about my raise at work, talked about my car with Dad – who owns a garage and likes to school me on maintenance, and I know I’m overdue. He tells me to bring it into his shop for a free tune-up.
Ray’s name doesn’t come up until the end of the night where Mom insists on sending leftovers home with me. We’re in the kitchen and she’s boxing stuff up and adding other stuff from her pantry – like she always does.
“Is anything else new, Violet?”
“Not yet, but…” I bite my lip. I didn’t want to get into this. I already decided not to say anything yet to my parents about Ray. I’d wait until it was over.
“But something’s going to happen?” she asks, hopefully.
I nod. “I mean, I already told you it’s going well at work, but yeah, I’m working on other areas of my…life.”
She looks me in the eyes. “We’re here for you. If you need your old room, it’s yours for as long as you need it. I can move my scrapbooking and sewing stuff to the attic.”
I open my mouth, and nothing comes out.
I’m like a deer in the headlights.
“You don’t have to say anything, Violet. I’m here when you’re ready to talk though. It’s obvious something is happening with you and him. And it’s about time we got our girl back. I’m going to put this roasting pan back in the basement. I’ll be right back.”
How does she know? Susanna?
I’m lost in thought when she gets back to the kitchen.
“I can see your brain working; Lorena called me. We still talk occasionally. She didn’t say much, but told me you were on your way back to us.” She brightens. “You need anything at all, you tell me. No judgement, Violet. Or I’ll try not to be judgmental, but it might be hard, because we love you and we’re all really worried.”
Talk about being thrown for a loop.
She turns away, trying to hide the emotion on her face and is obviously giving me a chance to hide mine.
I can’t be angry with Susanna or her mom here. In fact, Lorena made it easier on me to open communication with my parents.