Though, because I’m feeling shit I’ve never felt before, I also spent the day planting bugs in my own goddamn condo. Telling myself it’s smart to watch and see if she’s up to anything, though in my gut I know she isn’t. More than anything, I just wanna look at her, watch her. Know she’s safe. And watch her. I’ve only just started to watch her today, but know I could do it all day.
I put a camera in the kitchen, two angles of the living area, my bedroom, and in her bedroom.
Not her bathroom, I’m not a fucking sicko, nor her closet, but unfortunately, she didn’t change into her sweats after work in her bathroom or the walk-in closet today. She changed at the end of her bed, in front of the camera.
I walked into my own room to change after bringing her home from her job and immediately logged into the app on my phone and watched her strip down to her lacy dark blue bra and matching thong and get into her track pants and hoodie.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away as she pulled those clothes off and slid into the other ones. Couldn’t swallow as she stretched before she got the hoodie on to work out some kinks in her back. Then she took her hair up into a fist and hunted through her bag for an elastic.
While she tied her hair up into a knot, I imagined it in my fist.
But then she sat, and she moped.
And then I saw her in the kitchen and barely said goodbye before I immediately opened the app as I got into the elevator.
I watched her mope while I was in the elevator going to my car, I watched her on my phone screen at every goddamn red light I sat at and then I got here and watched her some more.
She stared out the window, at the bedspread, and at the ceiling, blowing out long breaths, sighing, picking at her nail polish, and then she cleaned all the polish off her fingernails and repainted them before she dozed off.
I watched her sleep. I found myself cussing because she’s even appealing when she sleeps with her mouth open.
And then I watched her react to my text. And that made my gut churn as I saw how fucking upset I made her. I can practically feel her wheels turning.
I watched her wander through the kitchen. I half expected her to snoop, but she didn’t. She didn’t go near my bedroom, she hasn’t looked in any drawers or closets beyond the kitchen, though she could’ve done that before I put the bugs in but somehow I don’t think she has.
I think Violet is who I think she is.
A good girl, a sweet, caring, and beautiful girl who trusted the wrong guy and then got dragged into the gutter with him.
And speaking of Ass-wipe, that shit stain; Wes tells me he spent an hour in the apartment of the old lady on the ground floor of the building today. Wes caught through the window the view of him changing out a lightbulb for her before going upstairs to Violet’s place carrying a bottle of whisky he must’ve gotten from the old woman before crashing for the night after drinking most of the bottle with a sour look on his face as he watched television.
Fucking goof.
I’m sitting here, an hour and a half away from home, away from her because I needed some space to get my head together and decide what I’m fucking doing.
Space, yeah, but I still want to see what she’s doing while I get it. Really, I’d like to know what she’s doing every second of the day. I’m having one of Zack Jacobs’ guys stop into her office tomorrow under the guise of inspecting the smoke alarms and sprinkler systems on that floor so he can plant a camera to point at where Violet spends 8:30 to 5:00 every day.
For her safety.
Right. And my satiety.
Her phone is being tracked now, too, for location. And I’m avoiding the urge I’ve got to dig deeper and spy on her through cloning it.
But looking at her now, seeing how she’s been all night, watching her interact with Patricia, I don’t need that.
What I do need, is to turn this fucking thing off and go to bed. Sleep. I didn’t sleep last night. Not a fucking wink.
I was pissed off knowing she was dodging me. It’s not that this girl isn’t interested in me – I know she is. It’s that fucking Iadanza wrapped her around his finger and sucked three years away where, in the process, he sucked the life out of her.
I’ve never been obsessed with a woman like this. Never been obsessed with a woman, period. I’ve been a strictly casual guy always. Haven’t had a steady girlfriend since I was sixteen and that only lasted a summer.