“How long would the lies have continued? What else have you lied to me about? Maybe it’s better that I don’t know.”
“Violet, I can’t stop thinking about what life would be like for us today if I’d taken my shot with you the night you met that jackass. I should’ve ignored the coin toss, and-”
“A lot of things you should and shouldn’t have done, I guess,” I say quietly. “Lots of things I should and shouldn’t have done, too.”
He scratches his jaw while blowing out a breath, then rises and takes a step toward me. I retreat.
“No,” I warn, holding my hand up.
“I want you to forget about him. He does not exist for you. Let me worry about him.”
“So you’ve been planning to kill him all this time, eventually, I mean? When you’re done punishing him?” I ask, my back hitting the wall.
“Yes,” he says immediately.
I try to swallow, but it doesn’t happen. I stare for a long moment before the words come, and they come fast.
“We got married too fast. We really don’t know one another.” I cradle my arms and shiver, feeling cold. “This was a mistake.”
“I know you,” he states, green eyes piercing me, looking affronted.
“It was too soon. I was too broken. That’s the only explanation for why I fell for this.”
“Baby… I know you. I love every fucking hair on your head. Every inch of you inside and out. I-”
“Lied to me. You tricked me. And you would’ve kept tricking me. For how long?”
“About this? For the rest of our lives. Damn right. Only about this, though.”
“You can’t kill him,” I blurt.
“I’m sorry, baby, but that’s not your call.” He leans forward, “It’s my job to protect my wife.”
“Your wife,” I whisper.
“Yeah. My wife.”
“I don’t even know you. I married someone I don’t even know. What is wrong with me?”
“You’re getting to parts of me I haven’t let anyone else see. You’re getting to know me very well. Better than anybody.”
I keep talking. “We moved too fast. I let myself get caught up in what it felt like to be…” I shake my head. Normal? Cared for? “It was all smoke and mirrors.”
“No. It was me getting him out of your life like you wanted and then me protecting the woman I was falling in love with.”
“As little as you know me, I’ve been completely transparent about who I am and I’m sure that’s gotta say that I can’t… can’t stand by knowing you’re gonna kill somebody. I need to go. I need to think.”
“No!” He raises his voice.
And now I’m filled with alarm. No? He’s not going to let me leave? What the heck have I done to myself? How could I let myself be taken in like this?
Ray told me he was dangerous. He told me Killian disappeared people. Thinking back to the things I’ve heard him say with my own ears, I know I’ve been foolish.
Threatening to put a bullet in his head for looking at me. The threats when Ray brought the gun to Numbers. How angry he was about me not wanting him to hurt Ray.
The conversations after he got jumped. How I resolved myself to being on a need-to-know basis where criminal elements were concerned. When Ray brought the money he scammed to Genesis and how chilling Killian was.
It’s all been right there staring me in the face, but I was so gullible, so caught up in the attention he was giving me, and the fact that he was solving my Ray problems for me that I neglected to realize that all those things he said, threatened, alluded to – he meant them. Yes, he deals with criminal elements different than average people, but he’s got way more links to criminal activity than I could’ve imagined for someone who says he’s not mafia.
He’s shown me who he is by not just his actions all along, but also by the words that have come out of his mouth.
“I’ll give you space. We’ll talk some more. Know this while you digest this. He hurt you and he fucked us both over. I couldn’t let it stand like that. It fuckin’ hurt to know that because he’s a cheat, I walked away without a backwards glance and that meant you endured that bullshit he served. Everything I’ve done, the things I kept from you, were because of that. He doesn’t get to hurt us anymore.”
“But you’re wrong. You’ve allowed him to keep hurting us by doing what you’ve done. By lying.”
His eyes narrow with what looks like frustration and he thrusts his hand through his hair. “I’ll give you space. I’m just downstairs.”
“Downstairs torturing him some more?”
“Downstairs on the main floor. By myself.”
He leaves the room.
I feel absolutely, utterly destroyed right now. I don’t know what to think, what to do. So I fold into myself and curl into a ball, my spine pressed against the wall.