It’s hard. Very.
It hurts. Excruciatingly.
He wants me to come to dinner tomorrow and I don’t want to go. I don’t want to sit across from him at a table again, looking into those eyes. Seeing that pain in his amplifies my own pain.
Maybe he thinks he loves me. Or maybe he really does. I have no idea. All I know is that I was lied to, feel like I was manipulated, and that the man I love more than I ever thought possible has spent weeks torturing my ex in his basement like a psychopath while pretending everything is absolutely okay. While using my happiness as a weapon against Ray.
And I can’t take more hurt right now.
I crawl into the daybed in my grandmother’s doll room just in time for more nausea to kick in. I keep one foot on the floor in the hopes it’ll stop the room from spinning. It doesn’t. I barely make it to the bathroom before I’m throwing up again.
I’ll have to make a doctor’s appointment for Saturday when I’m off work to do a pregnancy test. Or just get one at a drug store. And then… and then, I have no idea what then.
19
Killian
I prepare a steak stir fry. I set the table with the light-up chopsticks. And she doesn’t show.
I tap into her phone location on my screen and she’s at her parents’ house. I call her. Two rings and then voicemail – declined call. I try a text message.
Dinner is ready. On your way?
Ten minutes later she hasn’t answered, and I haven’t gotten a read receipt either, so I cover the food, put it in the fridge, grab my keys, and head out.
***
I ring the doorbell and I’m greeted by Cody Gates.
“Hey, man!” Violet’s little brother exclaims, “Where you been? What’s happenin’? Things cool?”
“Hey, brother. Good to see you,” I say.
He shakes my hand while opening the door wide, giving me a direct line of sight into the kitchen where Violet stands at the counter with a potato masher and a pot. Her eyes widen when she sees me.
“Killian, hi!” Daphne Gates rushes toward me with her arms open. She hugs me, wide-eyed surprise on her face. “We’re just working on dinner. Are you here for dinner too? Kevin’s almost home from the garage. My dad is here, too and we’ll be eating in about five or ten minutes.” She cups her hand at the side of her mouth and raises her voice, “Dad! Violet’s Killian is here.”
“Actually, I made plans with Violet for tonight at our place and I’m thinking she forgot. I wasn’t able to reach her by phone.”
Daphne’s mouth drops open and she pivots sideways to look at her daughter, who still stands in the same spot, now with a tea towel in her hand, alarm on her face.
“I have plans with my parents tonight,” Violet states, staring at her hands as she dries them.
“It’s okay. Go ahead, sweetie,” Violet’s mom suggests, “We’ll do it another night. It’s only meatloaf.”
Violet’s grandfather appears in the doorway to the family room, near the kitchen.
“Best meatloaf around. Hello Killian,” he greets with a stern look in his eyes.
I’ve only met him twice before tonight, but got the impression he liked me. Or that he did, but suspect now he’s not so sure.
“Hello Mr. Gabriel, how are you keeping?” I extend my hand.
He shakes it. “Doin’ great. Got my granddaughter takin’ care of me. She’s a good cook, great company. But why is that, Killian? Shouldn’t you be taking care of her?”
“That’s what I wanna do, sir,” I say softly.
And now no one can possibly miss that the air is heavier.
“Hm.” He slaps my arm good-naturedly before giving Violet a raised brow look and then the old man’s eyes bounce to Daphne as he rolls them before he ambles back into the room he came from.
“Killian, this isn’t a good time.” Violet’s eyes are now lit with a bit of fire.
A direct stare makes her flinch. I regret that because she looks away.
“You can go ahead, honey. We’ll drive Grampa home afterwards. Go with Kilian. You two should talk. Besides,” she lowers her voice, “You probably don’t wanna be here when Grampa finds out I altered my meatloaf recipe to make it healthier.” Daphne smiles brightly.
“Mom,” she grinds out angrily, eyes pointed at the floor.
“Go on, sis,” her kid brother interjects. “You two are honeymooners. Gotta work out your problems.”
Her eyes widen as she stares at her brother. “You’re all ganging up on me.”
“We are,” Cody confirms. “Unless there’s a reason we should gang up on him?” He snickers as he jerks his thumb in my direction before folding his lanky arms across his chest. And then he reads something between us and straightens up. “Should we, Killian?”
This kid is gonna be a force to be reckoned with when he finishes growing.