Just one evening spent with us and Killian saw what was there and made it a mission to lift me up out of that pot of boiling water I was living in. He saved me from that. I really do believe it would’ve been bad if he hadn’t stepped in when he did. Even if what he did was calculated and manipulative. He did save me. And he has shown me he loves me. Repeatedly.
And I’m getting stronger with him. I feel like it, anyway.
Ray kept me away from my loved ones. Killian sent them over to cheer me up. Ray let me deal with every single problem we had, the bulk of them coming from him screwing up. Killian tries to keep my life sweet, to put a protective bubble around me.
Even if he’s dark. Even if he’s got demons. He’s shown me time and time again he’s here for me.
But now I also know I need to find a way to stand on my own in case what’s happening now keeps happening. More drama. More danger. I don’t want to be a victim, a timid and broken person just waiting for the next catastrophe to make me feel paralyzed. I don’t want to be in a bubble of bliss if it’s a lie.
I hear noise from the other room. My father’s and brother’s laughter snaps me out of my daze. And then I call Killian.
“Hey baby,” he answers.
Sounds like I’m on speaker. He must be in the car.
The sound of his voice echoes in my heart. Do I want to stay with Killian? Yes. But not ever in a position where I’ll be blindsided like this again.
I want my husband. But I need to make sure I have the ability to withstand anything. Because if this drama with Ray is going to be over, really over, I need to know I can survive anything that life throws at me. And being married to Killian, a man who has darkness in him, a man who has demons, this might not be the last time things get scary.
I have to be strong. For me. And for this baby I’m carrying.
“You there?”
“I’m here. Are you alone?”
“Yeah I’m driving.”
“He phoned me,” I say.
“What?”
“Used his phone call to tell me that he won’t say anything if you leave him alone. Says just let him be and made it clear that he took efforts so that if anything happens to him, the authorities will find out about what you did.”
“What did you say?”
“I denied knowing what he was talking about.”
“I’ll be home in an hour. Your family’s there?”
“Mom and Grampa ran to the store to buy morning sickness supplies. Dad and Cody are here. Will’s coming back for dinner.”
“I’ll see you soon,” he says.
“Okay. Bye.”
And I’m shaking a little when I end the call. Adrenalin, I guess. But I’m also sort of relieved.
I don’t know if Ray really will keep his mouth shut. But I do know that for at least today, Killian isn’t hurt. He also hasn’t hurt anyone. Ray is in police custody, promising to keep his mouth shut. Do I believe him? I don’t know. He might have been tortured and terrorized enough to truly fear Killian in a way that could keep him quiet. I don’t know if I can trust that, but at least my husband is on his way home.
I make a decision. Today, I’m going to focus on my family, on getting that tree decorated, and on being able to breathe a bit easier, even if it’s just for a little while.
37
Killian
I get a text message from someone named Hugo who works for a company called JC Cleanup Services. Nino recommended this company that offers specialized cleaning services that take care of all sorts of problems (particularly when you want no trace of a crime, a person, or that you’d been somewhere) that the beach house will be clean in two more hours. This means there’s nothing tracing Raymond Iadanza to the property. That’s fast. And a relief.
When I step off the elevator, Violet’s at the door, paying a delivery guy for food.
I kiss my wife quickly, locking eyes for a brief moment that’s loaded with emotion before taking the food to the counter.
Sitting on a couch are her father, brother, and grandfather. Violet’s mother is setting my table with cutlery and napkins for everyone. She waves, face bright with happiness.
“Be with you all in just a minute,” I call out and head toward the hall so I can change my clothes.
Will is coming down the hall from the guest room, hair wet.
“Used the shower in the guest room. Had a workout.”
“Cool, man.”
“Violet invited me to decorate the tree with you guys,” Will says.
“That’s great,” I say. “Glad you’re here.” And then I add under my breath, “Thanks for last night.”