I see how tired she looks. How worn out. How worried.
I snuggle her close.
“Don’t change the subject,” she admonishes.
I sigh. “What? It looks good.” I gesture to the tree. “But yeah, I can’t just leave him be. It makes us sitting ducks.”
She pulls away from me, looking distraught.
“He’d eventually rat, baby. It’s a fact.”
“You can’t kill him.” She shakes her head and glares at me.
“I don’t want you to worry about this. Let me handle it.” I kiss her again.
“Stop kissing me!”
“What?” I laugh.
“You’re trying to distract me and it’s not gonna work. Not if you’re murdering him. No. And what about that stuff he said? About if anything happens to him, the cops will know everything you did.”
“Baby,” I say, bone-tired suddenly. “Chill out. He’s probably bluffing about that. And even if he isn’t, I’m not worried about it. I’m not stupid. Despite the fact that Tony was stupid last night and that I was careless enough that you figured out what was going on, I’m usually pretty savvy. I’m not worried about this. I’m on it and I’m telling you, it’s not going to be a problem.”
“Not cool! You’re still acting like you don’t have to fill me in. That you can keep me in the dark. And that you’re okay to deceive me.” She pulls away.
“Settle down and let me handle this. All I fuckin’ want is you to be relaxed, stress-free, and for you to let me take care of you. Let me do that. It’s what I want. It’s my fucking honor to protect you, to give you the life you deserve. Please let me do that.”
She rises and points at me with accusation. “I can’t let you kill him. I won’t get over it, Killian. I won’t be able to forgive you. I know you did what you did when you were a teenager out of what that did to you. But it’s been eating you alive ever since. I mean, obviously. By how you’ve handled this Ray situation, it’s very obvious that doing that has haunted you. And if you do it again…”
“Violet, baby,” I rise and wrap her up in an embrace, “I will not lose a minute of sleep if the ass-wipe gets shivved in jail on my orders. Not a wink. It won’t damage me.”
“Well, I will lose sleep and it’ll damage me.” She pushes away from me, bending to lift two coffee cups off the table. She takes them to the kitchen and I follow.
“So, what do you suggest? I leave him be and wait for the axe to fall? It happens a year down the line, a few years, maybe, if we’re real lucky. And then what? Then I go down for it and you’re left raisin’ our kids alone, without me?”
She growls.
I pick her up by the hips and set her on the counter. This gets me a frown and Violet folding her arms.
I kiss her. “Let’s sleep on all this. Okay? I really fuckin’ need some sleep. But I’m telling you right now, I will do whatever the fuck I need to do to keep you safe. Trust that I’ll do that, please.”
“Yeah,” she mutters. “Whatever.”
She’s pissed.
She hops off the counter and stomps down the hall to the bedroom and slams the door. I pour myself a drink and down it. And then I pour and drink back another one before I turn the lights off for the Christmas tree and head to the bedroom.
She’s in the dark, under the covers. I shed my clothes and climb in, pulling her close to me.
She tries to shove me.
I hold on tight.
She grunts. “Let go of me.”
“No.”
“You’re making me very angry right now.”
“Baby, please. Let me hold you. I need to hold you. I haven’t slept, I’ve had a fuckin’ wild twenty-four hours. And all I want right now is to hold my wife.”
She sniffles and then her body relaxes into me.
“Thank you,” I whisper into her hair and then touch my lips to hers.
“I slept terrible last night, too,” she says, sadness in her voice.
“I’m so sorry. I really fucking am.”
“I know. But we’re gonna talk about this some more tomorrow. You’re not gonna just shut me out and make these decisions on your own. If we’re a couple, we’re a couple and that means that we’re in this thing together. All of it. Okay?”
I grind my teeth.
“Killian?”
“Yeah. Okay.”
She snuggles in. After a minute of holding her, my eyes drift closed.
***
I wake up, it’s still dark, but Violet’s asleep on top of me. She’s on her stomach, directly on top of my body, her face tucked into my neck. My fingers slide up her spine to tangle in her hair. This has the magical effect of her wiggling into me. Her pussy is in the perfect spot for that.