“Who is she?” Will asks.
“No idea,” Jessa shrugs. “Maybe she’s a disgruntled former fuckbuddy. All the former fuckbuddies would be disgruntled knowing he put a ring on it.”
I bristle.
“Killian wouldn’t ever shit where he eats,” Will says. “Sorry Violet.”
I raise my hands. “Don’t censor yourself on my account.” I look to Jessa. “How disgruntled are you?” I ask.
She leans back. “You did not just ask me that.”
“Actually, I did,” I say, “Because I don’t know you.”
She leans forward again. “If I did that and got my brother hurt, I’d kill myself. I wouldn’t fucking do that. I’m no longer disgruntled. You don’t have to worry about me; I’ve moved on,” Jessa adds. “Killian Coulter and all his darkness are all yours. There was a time I thought he was the only one for me, but I was wrong. And I’m finally in a place where I’m okay with that.”
“We better go,” Will says, breaking what feels like an awkward silence.
“Sorry,” I say to Jessa. “I’m just…”
“I get it,” she says. “If it were my man, there’d be hell to pay, too. Believe me, it wasn’t me. But it happened to my brother too and I want whoever did it to pay for it.”
“Okay,” I say.
She reaches into her purse to pull out her cigarettes.
Tony comes out as we leave, moving toward Jessa.
***
All day, I’ve been feeling powerless and angry, isolated and shut out, and I hate it. Not only do I hate it, I’m also itching to do something about it.
It’s the evening and it’s been hours since we got back from the hospital. Tony came over and got two changes of clothes for Killian that I packed up with a few extras, like deodorant, his hairbrush, toothbrush, toothpaste, and bodywash as well as his phone charger and his laptop. That’s what he requested. From Tony, not me. Two changes of clothes. One set for wearing in the hospital and one for when he leaves so I packed jeans and a sweater along with a Henley and trackpants as well as socks and underwear, plus sneakers since he was dressed up yesterday.
Tony told me he picked up Killian’s phone and wallet from his office to bring to him and Will has been on the phone twice with him that I’ve noticed since then, though Will doesn’t stay in earshot for me to guess what’s being discussed.
Have I had a phone call or a text message? No.
I called Alana to fill her in with just the basics, planning to ask if she could make arrangements for the window in Killian’s office to be replaced and thinking I’d tell her not to talk to any of the Numbers employees since they’re all going to be under suspicion. She told me that Killian had already been in touch and all four of Killian’s clubs are closed today.
And that feels shitty, too. He’s dealing with business but refusing to deal with me?
Instead, I’ve taken a long bath and spent some of the day cleaning, the rest of it in bed, flicking the remote aimlessly.
Last night just before my phone died at the hospital, I messaged Susanna and told her that we think someone drugged Killian at his club and that he’s in the hospital. I told her she has to keep it on the downlow.
Today, she’s texted me a bunch of times for updates and I’ve been intentionally vague. Just saying he’s okay, that I don’t need company, that I’ll keep her updated and that he’ll likely get to come home tomorrow.
She doesn’t like it, argues that she wants to be there for me, but it’s easier this way. I mean, I can’t exactly get into it for the reasons behind it and I don’t even want to. The idea of reliving that scene in his office is not something I want to think on more than I have to, though it’s been plaguing me since it happened. And his reaction to me today? It hurts. It hurts a lot.
I spend the evening in bed, knowing Will is in the living room, not knowing if Killian has done his stalker thing and looked in on me or if he’s even thinking about me. I turn the lights off at eleven o’clock to try to get some sleep.
***
There’s a knock on the bedroom door, so I drag myself out of bed. It’s noon. And I slept like the dead.
“I’m headin’ out now,” Will says, keys in hand.
“Okay. Any news?”
“He’s here. He’s gone into the guest room and taking a shower. Didn’t wanna wake you. I didn’t wanna go without sayin’ bye. He wanted me to stick around for a bit, but unfortunately I’ve gotta go start my new job today.”
“Good luck. Hope it’s boring,” I say with a small smile.
He gives me a smile, too, but there’s sadness between us.