Catastrophe Queen

“Hilarious,” she drawled, turning to look at me. “One of mom’s favorite bands is playing at the bar tonight. I guess they took Grace and Grandpa, too.”

“What bar?”

“Hook, Line, and Sinker.”

“Never heard of it.”

“It’s not the kind of bar your social circle visits.”

“Sounds like my kind of place.” I grinned and gently squeezed her. “What time will they be back?”

“Uh… They’ll be out until at least midnight.”

“Really? Even your grandpa?”

She nodded. “Can I sit down? My ankle hurts.”

I helped her inside and onto the sofa in the living room. “You can’t stay here alone. You can’t walk.”

She waved her hand. “I’ll be fine. I’ll sleep here.”

“You can’t sleep on the damn sofa.” I shook my head. “You need someone to take care of you. I know what you’re like. You’ll get up and try to take yourself to the bathroom or something and fall again, and then you’ll be screwed.”

She sighed and dropped right back on the sofa, resting her head there. For a moment, she flung her arm over her eyes, then dropped it and looked at me with her big blue eyes. “What do you propose we do then? You stay here? Because my mom is going to explode if she gets home in the small hours of the morning and finds you here.”

I shrugged and sat down in the armchair her grandpa usually sat in. The smell of cigar smoke was strong, but also, weirdly nice. “You could stay at my place.”

“Let me guess: if we’d done pizza and a movie, this never would have happened in the first place.”

I grinned instead of answering. She was in a bad enough mood thanks to the pain, so teasing her tonight was just going to get me on her bad side.

“If you come to my place, I promise to order pizza and let you choose the movie.”

She sighed again, and I knew she was giving in. She didn’t have much of a choice—she knew as well as I did that she couldn’t stay here alone.

“Fine, but the pizza has to have pepperoni, and the movie has to be a serial killer documentary.”

My lips twitched up at her demands. “If that means you won’t get in any trouble, then fine.”

“Wait. Where am I going to sleep? With you?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Do you want to sleep with me?”

Personally, I didn’t think it would be a good idea. She was in no fit state to do in a bed what I wanted to do with her.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. I mean, I want to, but it’s not—oh, hell, this is going to shit.”

I laughed at her and stood up. “I have a guest room. It even has a TV, and if you’re nice to me, I’ll let you eat pizza and watch serial killer documentaries in bed.”

She groaned. “Now I’m a little turned on.”

“Pizza and serial killers are the way to your heart?”

“Actually, nachos and serial killers are, but I’m not sure you can get nachos delivered.”

I smiled and tapped the side of my nose. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Now, where’s your room so I can get you clean clothes?”

Her eyes widened. “You can’t go through my closet!”

“What? Are you going to stay in those until I bring you back tomorrow?”

“Yes?”

“What are you going to sleep in? Those clothes?”

“Yes?” Even she was wavering now. “Bring me back early. It won’t matter. I’ll sleep in my underwear.”

I held up my hand to stop her right there. “Absolutely not.”

She frowned, a cute little wrinkle forming between her eyes. “Why not? I sleep in my underwear a lot. Well, I don’t wear a bra, but—”

“Stop.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. Now all I could imagine was her sprawled across a bed, wearing nothing but a pair of panties. Of course, there was no bandage on her ankle, and the panties had flamingos on, but that was all I had to go on at this point.

It was more than fucking enough.

“Mallory, if you sleep in my house in nothing but a pair of panties, you’re going to end up naked.”

Her mouth formed a little ‘o’ of shock, and her neck flushed red as what I was saying sunk in.

“In fact, the only reason you’re able to stay there at all and not end up naked is because of that.” I pointed to her wrapped ankle. “So count yourself lucky. Want me to go get you some clothes now?”

“Actually, no, I don’t, but I don’t suppose I have a choice.” Another sigh.

Good Lord, she was dramatic tonight.

“Besides, it’s not like you’ve never seen my underwear.”

I grinned and got up. “Exactly. Got any more animal panties up there?”

“Do not go snooping through my panties drawer!”

“I can’t get any if I don’t look!”

“Damn it!”

***

My mother stood in the doorway to my office, glaring at me like I’d committed a cardinal sin.