I could fall asleep in his arms every night. Wake in them every morning.
Emotion swept through me. It seemed as though I’d waited forever for this moment. Truly, my life had begun when I’d met this man. And despite the fact that I’d found more inner strength and certainly gained a greater worldview because of the danger we’d faced, it now hit me incredibly hard that being safe in his embrace, with our son, was all I wanted.
Not the bottom dropping out of my stomach and the heart palpitations Dane had given me when he’d started down the path of our relationship and marriage not being right.
I had to make it right.
We had to make it right.
The downside was that neither of us had ever been in love before, had ever done the romance thing, had never been seriously involved with anyone. Until that day our eyes had locked.
I wasn’t one-hundred percent sure how to smooth the waters. But I began with the basics.
“I love you,” I said as I snuggled close to him, my eyes misting.
“I love you, too.” He held me tight. “I’m sorry about all of this, baby.” Apparently, that conversation still festered in his mind, too.
“Dane, we’ve had plenty of perfect moments. We’ve just had to deal with a lot of other stuff along the way that isn’t even your doing, but that of the society.”
“I don’t want to talk about the society,” he said, his tone terse. “Honestly, Ari, if I never have to think again about all that went wrong—”
“Don’t think about it, then.” I shifted out of his arms and climbed on top of him, straddling his waist. “No more secret society, no more danger. Put it all out of your mind and make love to me again.”
He did. Yet I could tell he stewed over all that had happened and remained just tense enough that I didn’t let my guard down.
* * *
I wasn’t a fan of having Amsel out of my sight for more than a short span of time when he was off with Rosa, but for the first few days Dane was home with us I didn’t mind so much that she liked tending to Amsel and using him as a human mannequin for her latest creations. Kyle also apparently found it safer and wiser to whisk my son off when Dane and I wanted time together—that meant Kyle wasn’t visible and Dane was too preoccupied to consider Kyle was the one looking after Amsel.
That didn’t last long, though. After a few days of really hot sex—our own version of the honeymoon we’d never had—Dane was less inclined to let Kyle have his fair share of Amsel time. And clearly felt the need to stake his claim. Focus on familial obligations.
He came into our bedroom one morning and said, “We ought to consider a baptismal ceremony.”
“Oh?” This took me by surprise. I’d been baptized but had no idea if Dane had. In fact, I didn’t even know what religion he was. So I asked, “How’d Lara raise you?”
“Methodist.”
I smiled. “Crazy. My dad did the same.”
“Warrants a baptism.”
With a nod, I said, “Sure. We can do it here. I wonder if Tamera can officiate that sort of thing.” I didn’t know enough about it to say for sure, but she’d been the one to marry us, so she was the best candidate. As for our guests, I asked, “The usual suspects?”
He chuckled, and it was music to my ears. Though he maintained that natural edginess to him, a few moments of levity here and there made me feel as if we were finally coming to terms with everything we’d been through and seeing at least a small light at the end of the tunnel.
Dane said, “Ethan, Jackson, Eleanor, Amano, your dad, Kyle, Tamera, Rosa. Yes. The usual suspects.”
Amsel started to squirm, and Dane read the sign that he needed to be changed. As Dane fixed up the baby, I asked, “What about Mikaela?”
Dane finished and delivered Kid to me before he cleaned up in the bathroom. I remained deep in thought when he returned to the sitting area of our master suite and went into full-on pacing mode. I didn’t interrupt. He had plenty to deliberate over.
Eventually, he came to an abrupt halt and admitted, “I feel like the biggest asshole on the planet for keeping her in the dark about what happened at the Lux—that I survived.”
“Dane.” I gave him an empathetic look. Much milder than what went on inside my body. My heart hurt for the pain he still endured over everything related to the society. “Please don’t put this all on your shoulders.”
“I’ve wanted to tell her, Ari. Of course, I wouldn’t want someone upset over my presumed death. When I think of you believing I was dead—”
“Dane,” I repeated, my chest constricting. I couldn’t even bring myself to revisit that horrific time of our lives. “You never intentionally deceived anyone. You’ve had to keep so many secrets. To save us all. Nothing is your fault. Mikaela will understand that. All I’m saying is that if someone—like my dad—cared so deeply for me that my absence would cause them great pain and I could ease it a little by letting them know I was okay I’d want to take that step. I’m sure you want to do that as well. There are risks, yes. But at the end of the day—”