Or, conversely, had Ethan stayed the legit course but known Bradley Bax had not?
Could that have anything to do with Ethan covertly removing electronic files? Keeping the truth of the senior Bax’s involvement with the NOS from Dane? Was Ethan trying to protect him from a reality that would devastate Dane?
I reeled over this new possibility. And its ominous, detrimental implications.
I prayed I actually wasn’t the least bit good at conspiracy theories. I hadn’t come up with anything I wanted Dane to endure in reality.
We reached the airport and boarded the Learjet he owned—we owned. Still a surreal concept. I sat next to him on the sofa and he continued discussing all the beneficial things the society had once achieved and what their purpose was supposed to have further evolved into, with the changing times.
I heard the hope in his voice—that perhaps the wayward society could be redeemed, somehow. There’d have to be a whole new faction adopted, obviously. But it was apparent Dane had found value in the Illuminati bloc once upon a time. When they’d all been on the straight and narrow.
As the jet gained altitude, he draped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me toward him, so I leaned against his chest. He kissed the top of my head and said, “I’m so sorry we’re caught up in all of this. Again. I swear, if I’d have known a year ago how badly things would get twisted around I—”
“Don’t say you never would have gotten involved with me,” I urged. “That you wouldn’t have pursued me—or married me.”
“You’d be much better off without me.”
“How do you figure?” I quietly demanded. “I have everything I could possibly want. You. Amsel. A gorgeous house I love. Our own little family with Amano, Rosa, and Kyle—stop scowling—and oh, yeah. I have you.” I smiled, despite my own tension. “I definitely would not be better off without you, Dane. You’ve changed my life and—”
“Put you in jeopardy.”
“If you haven’t noticed, I’m pretty good at achieving that all on my own.”
“Still,” he said with unmistakable torment. “Kyle would be a much safer alternative.”
I gaped. It took a few seconds for me to recover. “Did I just hear you right? Now you think I should have hooked up with him, when you employed great effort into scaring the shit out of him every time he got close to me?”
“It was sort of fun.”
I laughed softly. “Yes, I noted how much fun you were having with all that grimacing going on and all those menacing looks you sent his way.”
“I don’t like how he hovers, always waiting for a chance to be alone with you.”
Then I would certainly never mention the fact that Kyle had told me he loved me before we’d returned to the creek house. It was something he and I would eventually have to address, deal with. I felt bad that he still harbored feelings. Feelings that had always been and always would be unrequited.
That was a complicated mess I’d have to sort out once Dane and I ascertained what the hell was going on with Ethan and the others. What might or might not have been when it came to Dane’s father.
I’d also have to devote some time to my own family drama. Try to help my father and keep his reputation intact by extracting Mommie Dearest from our lives. Perhaps when she discovered Dane had survived the Lux blast she’d run for the hills again. One could only hope. Though I couldn’t count on it and my fear was that, any day now, she’d land a book deal and then all hell would break loose.
Too, I wondered incessantly what she’d done or was doing with the money Dane had given her to stay away from me. Had she blown through it already? In a year?
Honestly, I had no clue as to how my mother’s mind worked, what her ultimate goals were, and why she simply wouldn’t just exist the way she used to without me in her life.
The remainder of the flight was just as unsettling as the beginning of our day had been. I tried to keep out of Dane’s head, for the most part. And he urged me to sleep, since we’d be landing around seven in the morning, East Coast time.
But I was too keyed up to get my mind to shut down. How had everything gotten so fucked up this past year? Dane’s dream of 10,000 Lux had been shattered. Our life together had been shattered. Now his trust had been shattered.
That had to rub him raw.
I was certain his mental state wasn’t the best, and that hurt me all the more. I didn’t know exactly how to comfort him. I couldn’t assure him everything would be okay. I’d learned that from the onset, from the first time I’d met him.
The bottom line now was that I hated the constant torment. Even as he tried to hide it from me. I could fully comprehend the demons taunting him and that broke my he
art. Made me even more apprehensive when we made our descent into Philadelphia.
What would we find here?
chapter 16