Finally, staring at Damen’s strong profile, she said, “I know that, Damen. I believe in that. I trust in that.”
They passed through the gates.
She breathed a sigh of relief they’d made it safely.
But this was only step one.
And true to her word just seconds before, she told Damen, “I can’t determine how I’m going to feel, how I’m going to react if you extract your intel from my computer…and it wipes out my hard drive. That photo I told you about, the screensaver, it isn’t located anywhere else. The fact that every morning when I powered-on my laptop that was the first thing I saw was the very reason I never downloaded it to any other device. It means something to me, Damen. So I can’t be certain how I’ll respond if—”
“You don’t have to make any promises, guarantees…or even guesstimations. Nikki,” he said as he turned to her once again. “You deserve to experience and even embrace whatever comes forth if there’s an IT failure on my end. I will understand. I will accept it.”
“Damen—”
“You’ll have every right, every reason to hold this against me.”
“No, I actually won’t—you weren’t the one to bring this upon me. And yet… Again. I don’t know how I’ll respond. I’m forewarning you.”
He reached for her hand. Gave it a quick squeeze. Then he said, “You’re one hell of a brave woman, Nikki Kane. Courageous and forthright. That’s why I can accept whatever happens today.”
They pulled into a parking space and Damen climbed out. He went around to Nikki’s side of the vehicle and opened her door, assisting her.
He turned to head toward a large, rather modern-looking building, but now it was Nikki who reached for his hand.
He glanced at her over his broad shoulder.
She said, “I don’t really want to do this.”
The tension in his body visibly loosened—in an effort to relax her. “I know.”
“I can’t do this,” she more emphatically stated.
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“Yes, you can. You really are that strong.” He gave her a confident, insistent look.
“No, Damen, you’re not hearing me.” She swallowed down a lump of emotion and said, “I can’t do this without telling you—”
34
“Nik.” Damen turned back to her.
“I want you to get your intel, Damen. All of it, so that you and your team can stop whatever else this terrorist group has planned—so that what happened in Mexico City doesn’t happen again.”
“I know that. I believe in that.”
“I also…” She licked her bottom lip. Bit into it.
Christ, why was this so hard?
Just say it.
Nikki knew he’d fully comprehend every angle from which she came. Even though all of those angles were confusing and contradictory.
She pulled in a deep breath, then said, “I also don’t want you to open my laptop ever again. I don’t want to lose my files and photos and letters. Nor do I want you to see my screensaver. Now that you know what it really means to me…”
“Nik.” He reached for her hand and his fingers twined with hers. “Every single photo is going to have some significance attached to it. Because every single moment you shared with Conner was significant. To both of you.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” she said.