IOU Sex

Anxiety skittered down my spine. “The future? I’m a little too emotionally charged this weekend to think about all of this. I need a clear head.”

“Tell me you’ll consider it.”

My toes were suddenly frosty. Of course, I wanted to be with him. But I was still emotionally timid and relationship gun-shy.

“I need…some time.” I looked away from him and caught one of my cousins flagging me down, beckoning me to join her group.

“Admit this feels right,” he persisted.

“You’re pushing too hard.” The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them. I sighed. My emotions were too amped up for such a serious conversation. I knew I’d end up saying all the wrong things and retreating into my shell again to protect myself, when that was really no longer what I wanted. I needed some solid ground under me for longer than one night. I needed to be able to make decisions when I wasn’t on the spot during such a stressful time with my family.

But the way his jaw clenched made me fear he wouldn’t understand how I felt. I simply added, “I still have to get through this party. I’m sorry.”

I turned on my heels and made my way through the throng of people to get to Meredith. I had the feeling that was the last time Michael was going to broach this subject with me. I wouldn’t blame him if he gave up. But I was too in need of resolving my past to think about my future.

Admittedly, it did scare me to think I’d just blown it with him.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him mingle with the guests. He was popular with the men, many of whom I didn’t recognize. They must have been Seth’s friends, relatives and business associates. They frequently shot looks my way before turning back to Michael. I guessed they were all curious to know our dating status. As was my cousin.

Meredith eyed me speculatively, a mixture of envy and surprise in her pale green eyes. Her tone held a hint of awe as she said, “We didn’t know you were back together with Michael.”

I cringed. I wasn’t back together with him. Even less so after my little outburst.

“He is so gorgeous,” she added.

The other women concurred.

“And look how he keeps an eye on you,” one of them said in a dreamy voice. “Like he knows half the men in here are checking you out. The ones who aren’t related to you, of course. Although, Martin and Matthew keep looking this way.”

“Please,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “Cousins.”

“Well,” Meredith interjected. “I just can’t believe you’re here. And in that dress…”

“Yes, Fiona.” My sister’s voice came from behind me. I bit back a sigh. She joined our small group and said, “What, exactly, were you thinking when you put it on?”

“Actually,” one of the women came to my defense. “I like it. I wish I could pull off a dress like that.”

Again, the others agreed.

Taken aback, Lizzie said to me in an accusatory tone, “You ruined my day on purpose.”

She looked incredulous and so self-righteous, it made me laugh. “Calm down, Lizzie. It’s just a dress. I didn’t ruin anything.”

Crossing her arms over her chest, she said, “Everyone is talking about you. This is my party, not yours.”

“Then perhaps you shouldn’t have invited me.”

“I didn’t have much choice, did I?” Her animosity was nothing new. “You being my sister and all.”

“Yes, that relationship means so much to you,” I couldn’t help but say. Surprisingly, I was able to keep my tone calm and collected. “Here’s the thing. I’m not out to ruin your day. So what if I’m not wearing ‘country club chic.’ Quite frankly, I don’t know what the hell that is.”

Several nods from the women around me spurred me on.

“Unlike you, I’m not interested in being anyone’s clone.” I suddenly realized how very true that was.

Lizzie scoffed at me. “You came here, dressed like that, because you’re jealous.”

“Of what?” I countered.