"Honey, is it even legal for us to do this?" Kane began and actually shook his head no before looking away from Avery and closing the file folder as though the discussion were over before it had even begun. That single action slapped at Avery more so than the craziness of the legality argument. Avery was angrier than he had ever been with Kane. They never fought, but the emotion pouring through him needed an outlet and it looked like right now Kane was going to be it.
"Dammit, Kane! I'm so sick of that look you get in your eyes whenever I suggest we do anything a normal couple would do. We're gay, we're in love, and we're married. It's not wrong. We're not wrong! Why can't you get that through your thick skull?" Avery rarely got this angry and never with Kane.
He was up and out of his chair, the rant flowing easily from his lips. Kane sat back, becoming more stone-faced and calm. Reason shouted those were Kane's natural defense mechanisms coming to the forefront, but he'd already worked this out in his mind. He'd followed this for the last year. Reason had nothing to do with this moment.
Kane didn't respond, merely sat back and stared at Avery. That had him pacing now, trying to calm himself.
"Do you want children, Kane? I thought that would have been important to you."
"I don't know—" Kane began, but Avery cut him off.
"Bullshit! You do know!" Avery was back in his face, calling him on that blatant lie. Kane had grown up considering himself a family man.
"Avery, please calm down," Kane tried again, but now his voice was monotone. Kane was fully in his passive, relaxed, anxiety mode, and again, it sent fire coursing through Avery's veins. He thought he had not only broken through that shell but that Kane had abandoned those walls a long time ago.
"No! I won't calm down. You would make a wonderful father. I see how you are with the children at church. You glow and gush all over them. I want that for us! I want to watch you hold our babies and glow and gush over them. I want to watch you care for our children. And now we have a fucking chance to make that happen. I want this, Kane." Avery shoved the folder into Kane's lap and got right in his face as he spoke. Through it all, Kane stayed quiet.
"Goddammit! I can see it in your eyes. We aren't wrong. My love for you isn't wrong." Avery flung his hands in the air and stormed out of the room. His anger fueled each of his steps as he pounded down the stairs and out the back door, letting the screen door slam in his wake. He had no idea where he was going, but seconds later, he'd jumped in his Corvette and peeled out down the driveway. He needed to get away. Kane was so frustrating. After everything he'd done, everything he'd given, Kane still didn't believe in them enough to extend their family and that realization hurt. Damn! He slammed his fist into the steering wheel, and pressed on the gas, picking up speed until he hit the highway. What more could he have done?
* * * *
The house was dark, all except the lamp Kane had on as he sat on the sofa, waiting for Avery to come home. The grandfather clock chimed twelve forty-five in the morning, and with a frustrated sigh, Kane reached up to pull the lamp drawstring, plunging the living room into darkness. His great plan for making Avery grovel, the one he had spent the last few hours formulating, was falling apart with each passing minute. Avery had been gone far too long.
Kane kept the lights off and went to the kitchen sink to get a glass of water. He willed himself to calm down. His heart had been pretty much broken since the minute he heard the back door slam shut and Avery's car revving up then tearing down the driveway. He closed his eyes and exhaled deeply before taking a big drink of water, wondering how badly he'd messed things up between them.
Regardless of what Avery thought, all the accusations flung at him, their problem today was that he'd just been caught completely off guard.
Avery's stuffed file folder of information on the possibility of a test tube baby showed he had tracked every bit of progress on this birth, yet Kane had never known Avery was even interested in having children. Something that important to Avery and Kane had never known. How was that even possible? Avery knew everything about him. He kept no secrets, but Avery had.
It took hours after their fight for Kane to even work himself up to his own thoughts on raising a child as a gay couple. Without question, he wanted children. If things had turned out differently in his life, he'd have had a house packed full of children. But he was a gay man. Even after racking his brain, he couldn't come up with any other gay couple he knew that had children, unless they had them before they came out. Reason told Kane he wasn't wrong in needing to take this slow. Avery should have been more patient with him. He had just needed to catch up, but Avery hadn't offered that as a possibility.
Those thoughts had dominated everything until the clock struck midnight. Then all his thoughts centered on why Avery wasn't home yet. Emotion came forward. Kane had messed up every relationship he'd ever been in because of his stupid personality and crazy beliefs. He'd grown too complacent with Avery and let his guard down.
Avery never stayed out this late. Fear gripped him. His mind raced and his stomach churned at the prospect of what Avery would say when he came through that door. Would it be tonight? Maybe tomorrow? Would he ask Kane to leave?
He prayed he hadn't messed things up too badly. Over the last few hours, Kane had even imagined letting himself hold his own baby. He loved the idea of having a son who looked exactly like Avery. Those thoughts warmed his heart and sent spine-tingling pulses of happiness running all over his body. What he wouldn't give to have children to raise. He loved children and wanted them with Avery. He had just never thought he could have something as basic as the American dream being a homosexual.