"Sometimes, but it's okay. I knew what I was agreeing to when we moved. Besides, selling the restaurant has nothing to do with that." Kane's voice dropped an octave, and Avery thought he might have heard a hint of underlying sadness in his tone.
"I don't want you to be lonely, Kane." Avery gripped the phone tighter, the restaurant completely forgotten. He wished he could be there with Kane and have this conversation face to face.
"I know you don't, but it's the nature of the beast," Kane stated matter-of-factly.
"I can be home more."
"No, you can't," Kane shot instantly back, and then there was silence.
"I don't want you to be lonely, Kane. I never wanted you to be lonely. You three can move back to Stillwater. I'll make that my base," Avery said, his mind racing, trying to find the answer to this problem.
"No, we can't move back to Minnesota. The kids are in a new school, they've started new lives, and besides, we made these decisions together. I know my place. It's there, waiting for you to get home," Kane said.
"Baby…I should've given this decision more thought. I don't like the hurt in your voice at all." How had this conversation turned so quickly into a realm they had never discussed? Avery went from being irritated to guilt-ridden in a matter of a couple of minutes. How had that happened?
"Avery, listen to me. I'm going to be fine. I just wanted you to know before I have the paperwork drawn up. You have a little over one month before the election. You focus on that, I'll take care of this," Kane specified, his voice firm, resolute, definitely in control.
"I feel like I need to be with you right now, honey," Avery tried again. He couldn't let this go.
"But you don't. I've got this," Kane affirmed.
Avery went silent, and he knew that silence spoke volumes. He so didn't like the answers Kane gave him. He scrubbed a hand over his face, closed his eyes, and let the thought of Kane not needing him settle across his heart. That was what all this was about. It wasn't the sale of the restaurant or the alone time for either of them. Once Avery had decided to run for office, he'd inadvertently distanced himself from the most important person in his life. Dammit, why was he just now realizing this? Kane was everything to him. His always. What had he been thinking? Did he expect that Kane would just sit and wait for him? Yeah, actually that was exactly what he'd thought.
"Avery, you're needed in Ballroom A. They're almost ready for you," Janice said, poking her head inside the door.
"Give me minute, Janice," Avery began, but Kane cut him off.
"Go, don't make those people wait. I'll see you in Ohio next week. Autumn and Robert are coming with me. I love you. This was not a conversation I wanted to have right now. I'm hanging up," Kane warned.
"I love you. Always. You know that, right?" Avery whispered quietly into the receiver.
"I do, but I like the reminder. And I feel the same. My love for you has never been in question. Now go kick butt in your speech," Kane said and hung up without saying goodbye. Avery was slower, lowering the phone to its cradle before again scrubbing his hand over his face for the second time in less than two minutes.
"You're being introduced," Janice stuck her head back inside his hotel room's makeshift office. After taking a good look at his face, she walked inside, shutting the door behind her. "Are you all right?"
"No, not at all." He stood, his mind still reeling from his and Kane's conversation. He straightened his suit as he stepped past her, opened the door, and headed toward the podium in Ballroom A. She was right on his heels, but he ignored her. He had to hide this heavy heart, put on a confident face, and make these people believe in him. He'd worked too hard to keep his sexuality out of the public eye and make politics the main focus of his campaign, but now his heart was flying across the country, making life-altering decisions without him. All of the sudden, he wasn't certain the overall price was worth the outcome. Squaring his shoulders, he plastered the smile on his face and took center stage. As he waved to the clapping hands, his heart lurched. He'd have to do better by Kane. In no way did he ever want a repeat of today.
Chapter 27
January, 1993 Washington DC
"I want you there with me, Kane. I don't care what anyone else thinks is best. It's tradition, and you need to be there. I can't believe we are still even having this conversation," Avery proclaimed, early on inauguration day morning. And definitely much too early for the tension that filled the room, if you asked Kane. Avery exited his closet, fully dressed, shrugging his suit jacket on over his shoulders, with an irritated look on his face. And all his ire seemed to be focused directly on Kane, even at four o'clock in the morning.
"Babe, why are you doing this? It's tradition for legally married couples to appear together during the inaugural events. I'm not legally…" Kane lowered his voice, mumbling the last part, dressing at a much slower pace than Avery.
"Kane, dammit! I want you there. You're every bit as responsible for this as I am. Look, if you aren't there, it looks like we're hiding. I don't want that to even be a possibility for the future." Avery followed Kane inside his closet. A knock on their bedroom door interrupted them. Thank God, because Kane was past tired of this argument. Public opinion had reservations about Kane being there beside Avery today, so did Kane. Why couldn't Avery see that?
Not waiting for them to let her in, Autumn flung the door open, clearly upset and full of award-winning drama and total over-the-top theatrics that only an almost teenage girl could pull off. "Daddy, Nonnie says I have to wear the pea coat today, but I don't want to! It makes me look like a little girl. I want to wear my long coat. It still matches, see," Autumn argued.