“Me too. Too much, I think.”
Alec lifted his gaze, shaking his head as his hands stilled on Key’s pecs. “No, never too much.”
“Yes, too much. You’re gonna be leavin’ to be that judge,” Key explained, his voice lowering on the last word. Alec laughed, kissed Key’s back again, and resumed applying sunscreen to that hard sexy body.
“No. I’m not doing that. The decision’s made.” Though he’d not said that aloud before, he couldn’t deny the truth of those words and how they settled in his soul.
“Why?”
“Because it’s not for me. Because you’ve helped me see what’s important in life.”
Key lifted his hands to stop Alec’s massage. He turned, angling his head the best he could in the small space between them. Key held Alec’s hands inches away from his skin. The hold wasn’t a stop-touching-me kind of move—more of a connection. Alec twisted his palms, linking their fingers together.
“Me? How?” Key’s intense gaze would have startled him if he hadn’t known Key like he did.
“Key.” Alec just shook his head. “It’s always such a surprise to me that you don’t get it. I try so hard to make you see how much I like this. Even with our obstacles, you’re the most functional relationship I’ve ever had. You give me strength…”
Key studied him, giving Alec no clue what was going on in that beautiful head of his.
“What?” Key asked, giving him a very clear you’re-so-dumb look. So much so, Alec laughed at his guy’s reaction. That caused Key to turn away, push off the water deck, and grab his glass off the lounge chair floating nearby. He waded through the water, heading toward the bar. Alec lifted himself to his feet and walked along the upper ledge of the swimming pool to the mini wet bar before dropping down in the pool in front of Key. He refused to let this go.
“You give me strength to be my true self. My only defense for my actions in regard to my father and his desires for my life is that I was changing into this man when my father approached me. I didn’t know what was happening to me, and it could have been that I needed to vie for a political appointment. Have I told you I turned down a job with Reed Kensington to move here?” Alec asked, taking Key’s glass and filling it with ice.
“I don’t know what that means,” Key said and finally looked at Alec as he reached for the bottle of Grey Goose.
“The name Reed Kensington means badass in my profession. To have him scouting me was an incredible honor. He saw an article I authored in the National Law Journal. He called me in, and by the end of the interview I didn’t know was an interview, he offered me a job over the growing international initiative for Arik Layne Properties. It was shocking and might be my most proud moment. To have someone of Reed Kensington’s stature finding value in me…” Alec sighed, remembering how incredibly proud he’d been when the offer came, and he’d had no one to share it with. No one to be excited for him or see the potential. “I believe that was the catalyst in settling me down, showed me I wanted a different life.”
“Why didn’t you take the job?” Key asked, putting his hand over the glass when Alec finished pouring the vodka and started to add a splash of soda.
“Family. Isn’t that pathetic?” he answered, watching Key squirt the juice of a couple of lime wedges into the drink.
“Sort of.” The concern on Key’s handsome face was so endearing, filled with compassion, that Alec reached out and rested his palm on Key’s forearm.
“I’ve blamed my family. And they played a role in my decision, but it also rested on me.” Making his own drink as he spoke, Alec confided something he’d never told anyone. “I wasn’t sure I had the chops to accomplish such a position.”
Key sat back on the barstool and laughed. His laugh wasn’t a laugh-with-you kind of tone. That sound of amusement was most certainly directed at Alec. “You absolutely could do it.”
“Think so?” Alec asked, sipping the cold clear liquid before adding lime.
“Oh yeah.”
“Well, Kensington has stayed in touch now and again. That’s a compliment.”
“You should do it,” Key said with a nod of encouragement.
“I’d have to relocate,” Alec answered, and that almost tangible feeling of distance slammed back between them. Key’s demeanor completely changed, and this time Alec laughed at Key—or at least the expression on his face.
Key was so damn expressive once Alec figured out the emotional cues. As much as Key might not be ready to define their relationship, he was absolutely right there with Alec, wanting them to work out. But, at this moment, he’d gone back into self-protection mode. Alec totally got it and stayed silent, certain Key wasn’t ready to hear he was only still in the Dallas area for him. He’d keep that to himself for now. Even though the strong emotions running through him and the desperation to declare himself fought the silence, he feared sending Key into a complete tailspin.