Dr. Adams put the almost empty salad bowl on the tray and picked up his glass of water, taking several long drinks. Landon didn’t know what it was, but the mood had shifted in the room. He sensed underlying pain or sadness in the doctor. Something deep and unresolved. It covered him like a weighted blanket.
“I had just started medical school when the book dropped, and reporters tracked me down. I still had secret service on me, and I was so confused. I had always been boring for the agents to guard. No one had ever wanted to talk to me before. Even then, the conversation was more about the in-vitro conception that interested the media the most, not my sexuality or being raised by two fathers. They wanted information on something that meant nothing to me.”
“What was it like being raised by two men? I’ve wondered, if my father had been like your dad, would it have been easier for me? I don’t think I would have struggled so hard with getting good with myself if I had someone like your dad around,” Landon said humbly, saying anything that might keep Dr. Adams talking.
When Landon admitted he’d read Avery’s book, he hadn’t been completely honest. He’d read and re-read all three of Avery Adams’s books. He had studied those books like textbooks. He could quote lines that had stuck with him through the years. Avery Adams showed him a very different and achievable side of life. A life he dreamed of having for himself someday.
“I was raised with lots of parental guidance and balance. We spent every Sunday in a progressive church environment. It was something my daddy— Does that confuse you? My dad is Avery, my daddy is Kane.” When Landon nodded, Dr. Adams continued. “He wanted us to have a spiritual… No, that’s not quite right. He wanted us to have a religious understanding of the world. Autumn and I went to an Episcopal school and church. I didn’t know until that first book came out how much my daddy struggled with being gay or how hard my dad had to push for their relationship. I’m sorry to say, even then, it didn’t hold a lot of interest for me. They were just my parents, nothing really special at all. I was never rebellious with them or anything like that.” Dr. Adams grinned, staring past Landon at something unseen. He shook his head at whatever memory came to mind. “I did like to best my sister any chance I got. That caused lots of lectures about the importance of not overpowering people, putting others first before yourself, and the importance of personal growth.” Dr. Adams’s grin grew as his eyes focused back on Landon. “My parents made it too easy. The four of us were just a unit. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, I guess.” Even though he didn’t fully understand. His family was close, but they all could go from zero to ten on the anger scale in seconds flat and did it often. “I did the exact opposite of what my parents wanted me to do. I borrowed their car without telling them for the first time when I was fourteen then fifteen and again at sixteen.” He shrugged when he caught the doctor’s smile, again surprised at the complete lack of judgment from his confession. “I was a bad kid.”
That caused a bit of laughter as they stared at one another, settling into a comfortable silence. Landon watched Dr. Adams as he crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back comfortably in the seat. His leg followed, one crossing over the other. Landon couldn’t help it. Dr. Adams oozed a natural, maybe even instinctual, sophistication. He was a classy guy, something Landon had wished for in his life, but had never been able to achieve.
“It seemed to work out for you.” Dr. Adams’s grin broadened as his eyes slid down the length of Landon’s battered body. “All things considered.”
“You’ve got jokes.” Landon chuckled, enjoying the easiness between them. “My parents are proud of me now, but I carried guilt for a good long time. My father still struggles with my sexuality. It’s hard on him, but he tries. That’s all I can ask for.”
“Yeah, guilt can rip you to pieces and sometimes those pieces never quite fit back together again, no matter how hard you try to twist and turn them.” Dr. Adams gave a resigned sigh as he reached for the paperback on the tray. “So, are you ready for me to read?”
Landon didn’t like hearing the rawness in the doctor’s tone. The words were packed full of emotion; the earlier smile had vanished as Dr. Adams scrubbed his hand down the length of his face. The friendliness they had shared vanished. Walls seemed to drop between them or maybe the walls were dropping to protect Dr. Adams from the world. Either way, it wasn’t good. Landon watched the doctor open the book. He couldn’t decide if he should bring up his role as honor guard in Avery Adams’s funeral. In the end, he decided against it. Something told him he needed to tread lightly.