Painted On My Heart

If nothing else, please don’t let there be a permanent stench on the sofa, where he’d slept last night. Nausea assailed him as he walked down the hall. The images of John with that guy at his ass still got under his skin. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the unwanted thought.

His heart sank as he made his way into the living room. The heavy snores coming from the room let him know his prayer hadn’t been answered even before he saw the too skinny body of his one-sock-wearing ex. Dread slithered up his spine as reality coiled around him to squeeze the air from his lungs.

This was going to be his life until either John died or he took a firmer stand and stopped coming to the guy’s rescue. His family was right; he enabled John every time he saved him. His heart broke a little further. He should have left John at the drug house last night, let his ex take the beating or whatever that would have come from hanging out in a place like that.

God, he was such an idiot. The dull ache in his heart became more pronounced as he looked down at the once-handsome John. The only man he’d ever truly loved. The man he had wanted to build a life with. Hell, he’d planned on eternity. Kellus no longer held any of those amorous feelings.

He could honestly say, the only things he felt for John were pity and a strong sense of loss for what they could have had. John’s meth use and constant cheating had consumed him, turning his once happy-go-lucky best friend into someone he no longer recognized. John couldn’t weigh much more than a hundred pounds. His hollow cheeks and sunken eyes, his once beautiful skin now sallow and dotted with bumps and sores, were all a testament to the ravages of drug use. Kellus forced his gaze away and went to the kitchen as another deep snore emanated from the living room. Apparently, John’s sinus problems had gotten worse too.

Kellus forced down several bites of a protein bar before filling a glass with water. He went to the cabinet where he kept his medicine, pulled out his prescription bottle and downed a pill along with a handful of vitamins.

He refilled the glass, grabbed John’s medicine bottles, and went back to the living room where he dumped the bottles on the coffee table as he kicked John’s foot.

“Wake up,” he called out loudly as he placed the glass on the table. “Get up, John.”

It took a few seconds, but John’s eyes finally fluttered open.

“Hey, babe. Where’d you come from?” His voice was weak and thick from sleep.

“You’re at home. Get up. You smell like shit. You need to take a shower. Clean yourself up,” he said.

John took even longer to struggle to a sitting position, and he only truly achieved that because Kellus reached down to help him when he couldn’t quite manage to sit up on his own.

Another quiet moment passed before John gave a moan and dropped his head in his hands. His greasy matted hair tumbled forward, adding to all the pungent odors wafting through the air. The whole situation turned Kellus’s stomach, and he stepped away.

A look of anguish crossed his ex’s face as he reached across the table and downed the glass of water.

“Your advocate called. You missed your second appointment. I didn’t tell her you weren’t taking your medication, but you’re in jeopardy of losing the help. You can’t afford this on your own—” Kellus started, but John cut him off with an eye roll.

John leaned back and spread out across the sofa. “Do you ever fucking stop?”

“No, I don’t. Take your meds. At least take it with you when you go so I don’t have to lie to her,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest, staring down at the now arrogant look on John’s face.

“God, you’re like a broken fucking record,” John continued, but Kellus ignored his words.

“I’m leaving. I have an appointment. Lock the house when you leave and, John, I swear to God, if anything’s gone from this house, I’ll turn you in to the police. It better all be here when I get back. I’m sick and tired of having to replace my things,” Kellus said, digging in his front pocket for the keys to his van.

“That’s all you have to say to me?” John’s brow furrowed when Kellus started to leave the room.

Kellus stood at the end of the sofa and sighed, looking down at the expressionless eyes of his ex. “Okay, I’ll bite. What else can I say?”

“That you missed me.” The corner of John’s lip lifted in a crooked smirk. He’d once loved that look. He remembered a time that if John would have given him that crooked little grin, he’d fear his dick would swell so quickly it might explode in his pants. He didn’t fail to notice he remained flaccid right then.