Painted On My Heart

“Well, we met in junior high. Began dating in high school. He was always a partier, but my best friend, then boyfriend,” Kellus answered. Talking about John usually ruined his mood and his appetite, but for some reason, not tonight. He popped one of the small fried shrimp in his mouth while reaching for his drink.

“Like what kind of boyfriend?” Arik lifted a plate and pushed the crab cakes toward him, adding it to his plate.

Kellus gave a deep sigh and just answered, knowing how lame he sounded. “Like the only one I’ve ever had. We lived together all through college, then bought a house together. He always drank too much, smoked pot, and popped a few pills here and there, but I ignored it. I loved him.”

“What I saw was more than a little pot smoking,” Arik responded, adding a bite to his mouth. The sublime look he gave said they’d picked the right restaurant. Arik seemed to love the food.

“Yeah, now I know so much of our lives together was a lie. I think I wanted a relationship more than he did. I don’t know exactly when he started experimenting with the harder stuff, but I’m pretty sure by the time I figured it all out, he was too far gone. He was always volatile, but I put that off to his childhood. What I’m certain of…it was about two years ago that he lost his job, then couldn’t hold another one. He stopped coming home at night and everything unraveled from there,” Kellus admitted, nibbling at his food, before taking another long sip of his drink. It was hard justifying all the things he’d overlooked with John. He’d been such a fool.

“You broke up?” Arik asked, not letting him slip too far down in remembering the past.

“A few times, but the final break was about a year ago, actually a little less, but close enough to say it.”

“Eat. It’s wonderful,” Arik said, using his fork to pile more food on his plate. “So he’s still clearly using and uses your kind, nostalgic heart against you. You can’t shake him loose because he’s a full-blown addict?” Arik asked, pretty much summing up his life.

For the first time in weeks, his appetite roared to life. He’d held all this crap about John bottled up for so long that it felt good to get it off his chest. He began to eat with more gusto than he’d had for a while, spearing one of the boudin balls, even dipping it in the high-calorie ranch dressing. After wiping his mouth with his napkin, he took a sip of the cocktail before answering.

“No, I can’t get rid of him. And he’s stolen everything we’d accumulated and then some of the things I’ve managed to replace. This last time he got my clothes and phone. He’s responsible for the van being vandalized.”

“You called the police?” Arik stopped eating; his eyes grew serious and focused intently on him.

Kellus nodded. Funny, he couldn’t stop eating, adding another hushpuppy to his plate. “I’ve started doing that now. I also got a security system installed. I don’t care about the house, but it’s the studio that worries me. I’ve got it locked down pretty tight. He’s tried to get in several times. I’ve got the security system out there, too. He could really hurt me if he went after that, but so far I’ve been able to keep him out.” With telling Arik the truth came a freeing he hadn’t been prepared for. Lifting his drink, he let that thought settle in his heart. It was nice to have someone just understand instead of judging him for hanging on too long.

“I bet. I’m sorry you’re dealing with all that. Thank you for telling me. I knew there was something you were hiding.”

“I don’t talk about it at all. Gage is important to me. He gives me a lot of business. I don’t want him to lose faith in me because I have this huge baggage hanging over my head. I work all the time. Deadlines are important to me. It’s just when John takes the battery out of the van or steals my phone—that slows me down. And him showing up at the opening, that was a first—I swear.”

“I won’t say a word, but Gage isn’t like that. He’s a good guy. Nobody came with more baggage than Trent. My problem with Gage is that I can’t shake him loose no matter how hard I try,” Arik said, laughing at his own joke, giving Kellus a wink while drinking from his glass of water.

“People stop trusting my dependency when they find out about John. It could be a traffic jam that throws me off by a minute, but they put it off to my life and find someone else. I’ve seen it happen,” Kellus replied, having no idea what Arik meant about Gage or Trent or even the shaking him loose statement.