Reservations

“Does this guy feel the same about you?”

Well, that was a loaded question. Thane took another long drink while he thought about the answer. Levi might have been into him the night before, but clearly not enough to play the game the way Thane wanted to play. But Levi had to know that kind of connection didn’t just happen. They were so in sync. Fantasies were written about the kind of night they had shared. That was all before he factored in Levi’s unguarded, sleepy time words, “You make me feel wanted.” Yeah, Levi had connected. Thane had no doubt in his mind.

“He felt it until I ruined it.”

“What did you do?” Erin immediately asked.

Again, he never went there with Erin. Not ever. Happily married, Erin would never understand the benefit of an escort over a mate. Thane carefully chose his words. “I proposed something he wasn’t interested in, then I made it worse by going to his house to try to talk to him.”

“Was he married? I read that gay men often marry women while hiding,” she said with a note of authority. Her face grew serious at the prospect, perhaps worrying how Levi’s wife might have taken Thane appearing on their doorstep. Thane just wrinkled his brow at the idea, chuckling a little, and shook his head no.

“Nothing quite so simple. I’m not sure what’s going on, but something’s not quite right in Levi’s life.” He held eye contact with Erin to drive the severity of the condition home. “Even outside of that, I made him feel shallow.”

“Not quite right, how?” Her expressive face turned sad. Maybe he should pay more attention to her when she spoke; he had no idea she could switch her range of emotions so easily. A very compassionate and impressive feat.

“I’m not certain. I’m gonna get those details today, but there’s a sadness there that I didn’t immediately recognize,” he answered honestly.

“Oh, no.”

“I suspect he’s keeping his family afloat.” Thane gave a humorless laugh at his obvious assumption. “He told me he was keeping them together, so I’m not suspecting.”

“He lives with his mother?”

Thane nodded then stopped. He honestly didn’t know that answer, and he again furrowed his brow, realizing how little he knew about Levi. “I guess his mother. He’s been in med school. Here at Hopkins, so I’m guessing he’s gone home to take care of something. They don’t have a lot, but he’s proud.” He let out a deep sigh, feeling even more like a heel. This had all been about him. His wants, his desires. He’d never really considered Levi’s point of view.

Again, the obviousness of his thought hit him. Clearly, he hadn’t respected Levi when he’d driven to his house with money in hand. That had been a real asshole thing to do, but he’d been so damn desperate and full of himself and his ideas. Thane cringed while remembering that he’d tried to use Levi’s lack of money in his favor. Lord, that was such a bastard thing to do.

“Well, that’s sweet and responsible and sad all at the same time. How old is he?”

Funny, he’d not wanted to play twenty questions, but talking about Levi gave him a sense of completion. As if he still had a chance, and he found he’d gladly answer all her questions.

“He’s an older twenty-six-ish. At first, I thought he was a baby. Now I know his maturity levels are probably higher than my own. He doesn’t expect anything to be given to him. He works two jobs. It can’t be easy to stay afloat with the cost of living so high in California,” Thane mused. Levi had met Julian at the physical therapy clinic. He wondered if he still worked at the physical therapy clinic and how that income compared to what he made at the club. Thane also wondered how that proud man had ever reconciled taking a job in that kind of nightclub.

“Oh man, his life, Thane. That’s terrible.”

Thane only nodded. Verbalizing everything he’d learned about Levi was really a bitter pill to swallow and made his own actions that much more deplorable.

“I didn’t handle things right. My feelings were so strong after our time together… They made me nervous. I freaked.” Thane again thought about his own behavior. He’d put himself first and refused to see what was really happening there. Maybe that was what had him so messed up—images of Levi raging at him in that front yard. Thane struggled with knowing the pain and degradation he’d caused that independent, caring man. “I can’t see him giving me another chance. I really fucked up.”

“Then if you’re truly interested, go at it a different way. Do you have any connection with him through the school? You’re an alumnus there, right?” she asked.

Thane looked up at her, not completely following her train of thought. His father had tenure at JHU. Thane himself graduated from there then donated money every year. Maybe he did have some pull there. “Keep going.”