Texas Pride

The thought caused desperation to form and well up inside Austin’s heart. Kitt had been very clear with Austin last night. He thought Austin would eventually bolt, but he’d be in the relationship for however long Austin wanted him. Distance had to be a self-preservation deal for Kitt. The problem was, Austin seemed to have a constant need for validation from Kitt who was clearly not in an emotional place to give it.

After another minute more of shoving a handful of panties and socks in the bag, Austin reached for his phone again. He typed out a quick message. He didn’t monitor his words or play the game of “if-I-say-this,-hopefully-he’ll-say-that” he just typed what he felt.

’I’m not sure if you’re getting my messages, but Cara isn’t good. I might be a day longer. I need her to sober up before I can get her to help. I’m not liking that I can’t see you tonight. I need you to respond to this message. Please don’t leave me here hanging without a word from you.’ Austin didn’t even give himself a read through he just sent the message.

‘Are you okay?’ Kitt texted immediately back. Austin guessed three words were better than no words.

‘I’m worried.’ Austin typed back.

“I’ll call. It’ll be late, after 10. Is that ok?’

‘Call whenever, it doesn’t matter the time.’ Austin found himself wanting to ask why it would be so late. If he were home, they would be together. He never thought to ask Kitt if he’d made plans. Why did he just assume Kitt would be there waiting for him? Wait, Austin never assumed it. He feared Kitt wouldn’t be waiting. How did he not know what Kitt had going on?

‘Alright.’ Kitt replied in his one word text. Austin felt better after texting him. It wasn’t a huge conversation, but with Kitt they rarely were. Austin kept his phone close, making Kitt’s photo his screen saver as he went to Cara’s office and began the process of sending emails and messages to everyone, letting them know she was coming to spend time with him for indefinite amount of time.

Chapter 15

Kitt crawled down off the hay baler with a jaw cracking yawn tearing across his lips. It was three forty-five in the morning, and he couldn’t sleep. He wiped the sweat from his brow, smearing oil and engine soot across his forehead, and shrugged his Carhartt jacket off his shoulders, tossing it aside. It didn’t seem to matter how hard he worked, or what he did. Kitt’s mind stayed completely wrapped around Austin, never giving him the slightest break, not even to get a couple of hours of sleep.

Night two of Austin being gone, and it amazed Kitt how much he missed the man. At the same time, it scared the crap out of him. He’d thought he had a better mental hold of himself. His arms seemed to miss holding Austin at night. When he closed his eyes, the only thing he saw was the image of Austin smiling his big, toothy, sexy grin. Austin’s real smile. The one he wore any time he teased Kitt, or they laughed about something just between the two of them. Kitt missed that smile.

Kitt didn’t call Austin the first night. Fear kept him from making the call. His heart was too closely connected, making him too involved. Kitt needed to find distance between them. Complications weren’t his thing. Kitt lived his life as a total drama free zone, and it needed to stay that way. The movie star, Austin Grainger, had drama filled complication stamped right on his forehead. Austin needed to either move back to Hollywood, or move back to the place in Kitt’s mind where they were fuck buddies. Fuck buddies didn’t matter. They were tension relievers and nothing more. Kitt shouldn’t care about how Austin coped in his crazy ass situation back in California. He had never thought about Sean’s coping ability in any situation.

Kitt placed himself in straight up, pure protection mode. If Kitt could slip Austin back in the right spot inside his brain, it wouldn’t hurt so badly to be without him, and Kitt definitely would be without Austin. If these last two days were any indication of the future, Kitt would be a big whiny ass mess when Austin finally left him for good. He couldn’t let it happen.

To give Austin credit, he kept Kitt informed. He messaged every few hours both day and night. Austin told Kitt everything they were doing, and every text included sweet words of missing him. Austin also started calling. Kitt let the calls go to voice mail. Around midnight tonight, he finally responded to another text Austin sent asking if Kitt made it home yet to give him a call. He didn’t lie when he said no, but he’d just left his house to come back to the barn once he figured out there would be no sleep tonight either.

The text he’d sent back was a moment of weakness laced with a small amount of compassion. Kitt got the impression Austin was a little desperate, or it could’ve just been his own emotion he read inside the typed words of the text. He probably shouldn’t have asked how Austin held up; it invited conversation. But, he couldn’t help it. Austin replied back immediately, he was just waiting for Cara to wake so they could board the flight. Kitt told himself it was nothing more than polite manners, not the deep connection he felt, that had him texting back a simple, ‘Make sure you take care of yourself’. Kitt didn’t reply to anything else.

An old fold-up chair sat in the corner of the work barn housing the baler. Kitt sat down with a thump and dropped his head in his hands. There were so many other things he should be thinking about besides Austin. He had two long days in front of him to get ready for a longer month of hay cutting and baling. His entire farm would work from sunup to sundown, seven days a week. They needed to cut and bale thousands and thousands of acres of hay, and in return, Kitt would be getting half of every field they worked as payment.