I hesitated... again. God, why couldn’t I do this?
“N—Nothing,” I stammered. “It’s just that… well…”
Nathan pulled me down on the edge of bed, so that we were both sitting. He took my hands in his.
“Say it,” he said. “Whatever it is.”
I took a deep breath. “I just wanted to talk about… about your publisher.”
Nathan’s eyes lit up with something. I wasn’t sure what it was until he interrupted me.
“Jay?”
“Yes.”
It was recognition.
“You’re still worried about what I said a few weeks ago,” Nathan jumped in. “About wanting to do everything on our own, instead of using my father’s connections.”
“No,” I said. “I mean yes. I mean, sort of, but—”
“Honey, don’t worry about that,” Nathan said, squeezing my hand. “I was being selfish. I wasn’t thinking of the other guys. I’m past all that now.”
Crap. He wasn’t getting it.
“Nathan, I—”
“Everyone gets a little help these days,” he said quickly. “Not using my father’s publishing connections would be just plain stupid. It would crush Chase and Burke, too, to pull that rug out from under them now. I couldn’t even imagine telling them we don’t have a book deal, or an agent, or a guaranteed way to get our books on the shelves.”
I studied his expression carefully. He was so happy all of a sudden. So excited. Maybe because things had been going so well, and they were all so close to the end.
“I don’t want you to worry about what I said before,” Nathan told me. He reached out lovingly and touched my cheek. “I was being mopey and stupid. I was making problems where there really weren’t any.”
He leaned in and kissed me, and I felt my whole body go limp. I threw my arms around him. Hugged him tight.
“All good?” he said, rubbing my back.
I pushed everything else from my mind and nodded. “All good.”
“Fantastic,” he said, pulling back again so he could look at me. He squeezed my hands one more time and stood up.
“Now sit here for another two or three minutes,” he said cryptically, his eyes dancing with a strange excitement. “And then come out back.”
Thirty-Six
KAYLEEN
I stayed, wondering why I hadn’t told him. Wondering if it really would’ve made much of a difference anyway. It was too late to change anything now. They’d written what they’d written, and Jay would see it no matter what.
I also wondered what Nathan had meant by out ‘back’.
It was roughly three minutes later when I wandered out into the living area. The fireplace was blazing. The cabin wasn’t warm yet — not even close — but the heat coming from that direction was definitely pleasant.
But there was no one around.
I checked the tiny kitchen, then the other bedrooms. Releasing a long sigh, I wandered over to the back door and popped it open.
“Snow forts, snowballs, it’s the all the same to me,” I said loudly into the crisp night air. “Whatever you guys are doing out here, if you think I’m following you into the cold and wind to—”