“Do you know why they call me Uno, Steph? It’s because no one has my back but me!” I stab a finger to my chest.
Tears fill her eyes once more. “You had me,” she whispers. “Uno, you have never been alone. I have always been by your side.”
I pull her up and to her feet as I go to my own and hug her close feeling as though I am having sympathy for the devil, but we’ve been through hell and back together. Despite my anger, part of me does love her and in a different life we could have been happy.
Placing my lips to hers I know it’s too late for us. We never stood a chance at finding happiness.
At least not together.
Chapter 11
—Stephanie
My husband kisses me, and we move down the hallway until the backs of my knees hit the bed. We go down on the mattress together and he opens up the red and black flannel robe, exposing my naked body…my soul to him.
“We could leave here and never look back. We can start over,” I tell him.
His fingers move over my mouth silencing me as he kisses my breasts, taking his time, marking every inch of my skin. His clothes come off and I study his tattoos, remembering each and every one of them, committing every line of ink to memory. I was with him every time he marked his skin. My fingers brush over my name, tracing each letter on his chest. I looked own where his road name is right above my pelvic bone. Property of Uno. Part of me believed we’d be together forever, but that part of me was also afraid to hope. I guess deep down I always knew that something would drive us apart. I always thought he’d be the one to stray. I never dreamt I’d be the one to step out on him.
“I love you, Stephanie. Part of me always will,” he says, his voice cracking. It hits me. This is goodbye. Tears fall, running down my face as steady as rain as he makes love to me. I feel frozen, unable to speak, unable to stop this from happening. This is it. I’ve really lost him. Sobs wrack through my chest so hard as he thrusts inside me, I can feel them throbbing in the tips of my toes.
“I love you so much, Justin…”
“I love you too,” he whispers, cutting me off with a kiss. I open my eyes and see that he has tears of his own. His body stills, and his heavy breath blows across my face. “Stop crying, Steph.” He wipes at my tears and licks them from his fingers.
“I need you.”
“I know, but my hands are tied…this is the end of the road for us. I wanted to be with you one last time. You’re the only woman I’ve ever been with, the only woman I have ever loved.”
“You were always true to me, weren’t you?”
“Yeah, sweetheart, I never strayed. I kissed someone once but that was it.”
I laugh. “I’m a horrible person.”
“Shhh….,” he silences me and moves inside me again. I can feel my pulse in my ears as I cling to him, not wanting to let go but sensing he is close to his release. I wrap my legs around him and cross my ankles, holding him right where I need him the most. His pace quickens, and I tell him one final truth. “I stopped taking birth control three months ago. It’s why I have been pushing you away. I was scared to get pregnant again. Afraid God would take our baby from me if we conceived. Afraid he’d punish me for having an abortion.”
Justin looks deep in my eyes, closing his mouth down on mine, and a shudder ripples through his body as he reaches his climax. We stay joined together for minutes maybe hours. I lose track of time as we stay connected, him asleep and still inside me as I stroke my fingers down his back. He only stirs when his cell phone chirps. He moves, breaking our connection.
“Get cleaned up. It’s time to go.”
I nod, willing my tears to stay away. If this is the end I have to accept it. “I spent so long trying to find a way to end our marriage when all along I should have been fighting to save it.”
My husband stays quiet and grabs his phone from the pocket of his jeans that lay in the floor.
I move to the bathroom to take a quick shower, wishing he would join me, but he doesn’t.
I move through the motions feeling completely numb. I don’t even remember getting out of the shower, getting dressed, packing a bag, and getting in the car. It isn’t until we pull up at my Mom’s that I start to panic. Anxiety bubbles in my throat and I feel faint.
“I can’t do this.” How do I just leave him? He’s my life. I love him…I really do. I don’t want to say goodbye. I don’t want a divorce. I want to start a family. I want a clean start for us. We can rebuild our marriage. He just has to be willing to try.
His head tilts to the side. “You have to.”
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. “Okay. Okay.” Justin comes around the car and opens my door. I should have known he won’t trust me on my own. Probably afraid I will call Garret, but I meant what I said today. I thought long and hard about it all night. I want to be with Justin and have a family with him. But now that I want it, the chance is being stripped away.
My Mom opens the door and steps out onto the porch. She takes one look at Justin and crows, “What are you doing here?”
He starts to answer her, but I speak first. “I planned a trip for us. Just you and me. Go pack a bag. Justin is only driving us to the airport.” Something flashes in his eyes, but I can’t get a read on his expression. His eyes are green now, when earlier they were so dark they almost looked black.