“I’m sorry. I don't know what’s gotten into him. I better go talk to him.” I shake my head and start to turn away when Justin pulls me back to him.
Gazing into my eyes his lips lift into a smirk. “Let me talk to him. Man to man.”
I bite my lip. “If you think that’s best.”
“Trust me. I got this.” He winks.
I lean up on my tiptoes and kiss him again. Justin pulls away reluctantly and goes down the hall. I wait a minute, until I hear the sound of their voices then I creep down the hall to eavesdrop.
“I thought you and me were real cool, little man. Did I do something to make you mad at me?”
I hear Jim Jam sniffle and my heart cracks that my guy is crying. His tiny voice comes out in cracked sobs. The most I can make out of the conversation is Jimmy thought that Justin was going to hurt me…hurt us like his dad used to. I guess he saw a lot more than I realized and I feel gutted.
Justin’s voice goes soft. “I want you to know something. I like you, kid and I care about you and your Mom. Sometimes when people like each other they kiss. Sometimes they get mad at each other and do things they don’t mean. Like you punching me in the stomach, but I hope you can understand me right now. I think your Mom is a real special lady. I won't ever put my hands on her in a way that will hurt her.”
Their conversation grows quiet, so I move back down the hall and sit on the couch, hoping Justin doesn't know I was spying on them.
Justin comes down the hall with Jimmy. The pair of them stop at the foot of the sofa. Justin’s hand is resting on Jimmy’s shoulder. Jimmy looks up at me. “Sorry, Momma.”
“It’s alright.” I hold my arms open to him and he comes to me for a big hug. Justin leans down over the back of the couch. Jimmy nuzzles against my neck and within minutes he’s sleeping.
“I’m gonna head out. I think you two need some time, just the two of you.”
“You sure?” I question, feeling uneasy, hoping Jimmy’s outburst hasn't made him rethink how he feels about us.
“Yeah. It's hard on him. He’s had a lot of changes lately. I’m not saying I am giving up. I’m just taking a step back. I don't want to do anything to screw your kid up, Melissa. I like you, but I love him. Little shit has wormed his way inside my heart and I won’t do anything that will hurt him. So, I think we should slow down. Maybe I shouldn't be over here every night.”
I know my face falls. “Oh. Okay. Yeah. Sure. If that’s what you want.”
“Hey.” He tilts my chin up so that I am looking back at him. His lips come down soft but sure on mine. “Just going to take this slow. I didn’t say I didn’t want this.”
I swallow, biting back my tears. I thought we were making progress. And I have fallen harder for him than I care to admit. It hurts but I understand. I respect that he wants to do right by my son.
“I’ll walk you out.”
He stops me as I go to move Jimmy and shakes his head. “Let him sleep. I’ll call you later. Maybe tomorrow, but I will call.”
—–
Things with Justin have been tense and awkward since the night Jimmy had his outburst. We have only seen each other in passing at the Cherry Room. I guess when he said he wanted to take things slow he really meant slow, but I am afraid that we went so fast and strong that the responsibility that comes with dating a single mom scared him away. I want to talk to him, but I don't know what to say to him yet, so I keep letting things bubble and fester. I know it isn't good to bottle everything up inside but I’m stubborn. Always have been.
Days have gone by and those days of silence have turned into weeks with an occasional text message. Things like ‘you look good tonight.’ A random ‘we should get together soon’ but then we never do. He’s giving me the brush off and I hate that I care so damn much.
Today isn’t about me though. I gotta put my issues on the backburner. MaryAnn is marrying Cupid today. It’s a big to do at the clubhouse and I promised her I would do her hair. Amber is on makeup duty and Sara, Harley, and Shelly are offering her moral support.
Sara couldn't do much if she wanted to. Girl is having twins and looks ready to burst.
They are all talking up a storm and cracking jokes, but I have tuned most of it out and before I know it the ceremony is over, and I am at the reception, standing like a wallflower, staring a hole through Justin, wishing he’d look at me. I heard him asking Boogeyman if it was Halloween. The two of them traded jabs and I hate Justin right now because he doesn’t seem bothered at all that I am miserable due to him.
MaryAnn looks so beautiful and happy as she steps onto the floor to have her first dance with her new husband. I am almost envious, but she has been through hell. When I first met her...well a few weeks into my being here she was beaten and raped by a man who was supposed to be her friend and a member of the club. He got what he deserved, and she has moved forward and is expecting a baby too.
Distracted by my thoughts I am shocked when Justin approaches me and asks me to dance. I think about telling him no, but we need to talk.
His arms go around my waist and I hook my own around his neck. “You look absolutely stunning.”
“You don't look so bad yourself.”
His forehead comes down to rest against mine. “I know I owe you an apology. It’s just I got scared. My ex always told me she wouldn't have a baby with me because she didn't want to bring a kid into this lifestyle. When I look at Jimmy, I want him to have the best possible life and I had to take some time to figure out if I could be what you guys need. If I can be a good enough role model for him. You have a choice. You don't have to raise your son in this club if you don't want to but if you are with me or a man like me you need to know what you're signing up for.”