“No, I only have a week, but I do have the whole week of Christmas off too, so it won’t be too long between visits again. At least not for a while.” She looks worried, almost sad.
“It’s going to be okay, Amaya. I know you don’t like the distance between us, I hate it myself, but it will work out. I promise.”
“Yeah, I know.” Her voice sounds so small right now.
I put my fingers under her chin and lean down for a kiss. “I love you,” I say when my lips touch hers.
“I love you too, always.”
Chapter 30
Amaya
E
very time Tate looks at me I feel guilty. I hate keeping secrets. We’ve always been upfront with each other. We don’t keep secrets. Well, we didn’t until now.
I know I need to tell him. But he looks so damn happy tonight. I managed to get a week off to spend with him. He has a couple of practices this week, but his schedule is clear. It’s a miracle. Sexting and Skype only does so much, and it doesn’t replace the real thing.
He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles. “I love you so much.”
“I love you most,” I say, hoping the crack in my voice doesn’t give my thoughts away.
“It feels amazing to have you here. People were starting to think you’re a ghost or that I made you up.”
I shake my head. I know he needs more from me, but how do I give him more without one of us sacrificing everything?
Tex raises his beer and makes a toast. “To good food, good friends, and Amaya getting her ass where it belongs.”
“For now,” Court blurts out in a snippy tone.
“What’s that about?” Tate asks, seeing the look of horror on my face.
I’ll kill her.
“It’s nothing.”
“Looks like more than nothing by your expression. What’s going on?”
“We’ll talk, later. Okay?”
He chews his lip and scratches the back of his neck. “Yeah, sure.”
Courtney mouth’s an apology at me but I ignore her. I can’t believe her. I know she wants me happy and thinks I won’t be, without Tate. Sometimes I believe she’s right but then my self-doubt creeps in, and I wonder what if? I hate this. What we’re doing isn’t working, and I don’t know how to make things work. I came here hoping to be able to reach a decision. But is it fair of me to decide without getting his perspective and expecting him to go along with what I decide?
I shovel my food around on my plate pretending to eat. I can’t hide from Tate. He sees through my performance. Maybe I should spend this week treating it like I decided to choose Tate. If things go good then I’ll know I should let the overseas dream go.
“Dessert?” Tate asks.
I shake my head and Courtney drops her fork loudly on her plate. “Amaya, bathroom.”
“I don’t need to go,” I whisper politely.
“I’m not asking.” She throws her napkin on the table with a huff.
I smile at Tate and Tex. “Guess I am going to the bathroom. Excuse me.”
Tate grabs my hand tight. “Are we okay?”