When we get back to the room, I don’t know what Kai says to his mom, but she doesn’t say a word when he sleeps in my bed holding me all night. Memories of my childhood haunt me as I sleep. Opening up to Kai has opened up things I shut away years ago. Flashes of a strange man coming into my room at night. Hearing my mother laugh, as I scream no, to please stop. My arms thrash and my legs kick, but the pain doesn’t stop, it gets worse. All these feelings and memories I’ve kept buried down deep rush to the surface, taking over my dreams.
A scream escapes my throat, and I begin to shake violently. I awaken to Kai tugging on my arm, telling me to wake up, that it’s only a dream.
“What did your mother do to you, Katie?” He begs me to tell him what I was dreaming about as his mom flips on my bedroom light to see what is going on. I don’t want Kai to hear that my mother used to let men touch me when I was in middle school, and that I blocked the memories out only to remember it now.
Kelli tells Kai to go to his room. He goes reluctantly.
“Katie, you can talk to me. I won’t judge you and whatever you say to me won’t ever leave this room unless you want it to.”
It takes me probably an hour to get through it all. I tell her about all the abuse. All that I now remember. Kelli then admits to me that she recognized the signs in me. She works with social services and abused children. She hugs me and tells me that we don’t have to tell anyone if I don’t want to, but that if my mom tries to contact me again she wants to file a report on her. The convention we are here for is because she is a guest speaker for a charity for sexually exploited children. We hug, and we cry. She makes me feel like I’m going to be okay. She makes me realize that none of it was my fault, that I was the victim.
“Katie, you will always have a place in my family, even if you and Kia don’t work out. I’m not saying you won’t, but the two of you are young and have so much ahead of you.” I understand what she is saying because I worry about what the future holds for Kai and me too. Right now, I can’t think past graduation for us as a couple.
“Try to get some sleep, I will be in meetings most of the day tomorrow, so Kai will be helping you with Khloe. I am making an exception and letting him stay in here with you tonight.” She hugs me again and tells me goodnight.
Kai comes back in my room and doesn’t say anything. He holds me, but he seems distant. Cold, like he’s afraid to touch me too closely. All those feelings of being dirty begin to creep back up on me.
“You don’t have to stay with me tonight, Kai. I understand if you see me differently.”
“What gives you that idea?” He sounds offended.
“Because you act like you are afraid to touch me right now. You either think I am dirty or made of glass.”
He grabs my face and smashes his lips into mine harshly, stealing my breath away. “Nothing could ever make me think you are dirty, Kat. I just didn’t want to take advantage of you when you are upset. I. Love. You.”
I feel relief wash over me because Kai accepts me, dirty, broken, and used. More importantly, he said he loves me. It scares me, I want to tell him that I love him too, but something holds me back. “I just want to forget that part of me,” I tell him.
“Baby, that makes you who you are. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You did nothing wrong, that was all on whoever hurt you. They own that, not you.”
“Please, Kai…I just want to block it all out again. I don’t want to remember, help me forget that anyone has ever touched me but you.”
He gets up and locks my door, taking his shorts off as he comes back to bed. He not only makes me forget, but he takes me to another world.
Chapter 19
The next few days of our trip pass by us in a blur. Kai and I have grown closer, if that is even possible. Khloe has kept us busy from sun up until sun down. That kid has crazy energy, even with the sun draining us each day. We’ve built sandcastles and played in the waves. I am pretty sure I have sand stuck in places that I didn’t even know existed on my body. We stu
ff ourselves with corn dogs and cotton candy. Kai won both of us stuffed dolphins playing one of those silly carnival games where you shoot water at ducks and try to knock them over.
The rest of the band is coming sometime today. Kai is using the excuse that the guys need to crash in his room for another reason to sleep in my room with me. His mom is on to him though. She tells him that we can ask for a roll away bed for him, and he can either sleep on it in her room or his, but not in mine. I thinks she knows Kai and I are intimate, with how touchy feely he is with me. If Kai isn’t holding my hand or kissing me, he is staring at me. Not that I am complaining.
I have been getting sad face texts from Raven all day, telling me I had better keep Jake in check for her. They are playing tomorrow night at some club, and then we are leaving Friday morning. Jake said I might not get into the club since I am not eighteen. Kai says he will tell them I am their backup singer if he has to.
I cannot wait to see him play on stage. I know I have watched the guys practice but that is nothing compared to this. Raven has me on strict orders to take a video of their performance, so she can post it to their site and YouTube channel once we get back home.
Kai has gone to meet the guys downstairs and bring them up to the room. Kelli said she is treating herself, Khloe, and me to an evening at the spa. We are getting facials, mani-pedis, and massages. I am looking forward to being pampered. It gives Kai a break from us too. I don’t want him to get sick of me, because we are always together now that I live with his family.
Jake, Hunter, and Vance come straggling through the door looking rough. They drove straight through, only stopping for gas and piss breaks as Vance puts it. Khloe says, “Bad, Vance, you owe Khloe a dollar.”
He gets his wallet out and hands her a five. “Here this should cover the rest of the day,” he jokes.
Kai’s mom shakes her head and tells Khloe and me to come on before we are late for our evening of pampering.
By the time I leave the spa, I feel buffed and polished all over. There was an awkward moment when Mrs. Cooper and I talked about getting Brazilians. She said she didn’t even think of it when she made my appointment, it came with the package. I am sure Kai will appreciate it greatly, but I didn’t tell her that.
Back in the room, I have a note from Kai, telling me he went out to dinner with the band. I am glad he is out having a good time. I eat dinner with Khloe and Kelli in the room. She ordered from the hotel restaurant and had it brought up for us. This is the sort of thing a girl should be enjoying with her own mom, and my heart aches for what I have never had with my own mother.
I notice it is getting late and Kai and the guys haven’t come in yet. Guess he will have to wait until tomorrow to hear about my new look in my intimate area. When I get in my bed, I pull my phone out and see that I have a missed text from Raven.