He shoves his hands in his jean pockets. “I wanted to see you.”
“Why?” I demand.
“I just wanted to.”
“Well you’ve seen me.”
“Do you want me to go?”
I arch my brow at him. We are going in circles. I feel like I am on a merry-go-round and Killian is the only one who can make it stop spinning. “Do you want to stay?”
“I don’t know. I had all this shit I thought I wanted to say to you, but I forgot my speech.” He pulls a lighter from his pocket and flips the top open. He repeats the motion, and I remember what he said to me about lighting the match. Is that why he is here?
I shake my head. “You prepared a speech for me? Are you drunk?”
“A little but now that I’m here I think I lost my buzz and my nerve.”
“So…let me get this straight. You needed to get drunk to talk to me?” Annoyance rains down on me, and I start to tell him to just go if he’s going to keep talking around himself.
“Yes. Err…no. Maybe.”
“Killian.”
“Liri,” he mocks.
“Spit it out.”
He shoves the lighter back in his pocket. “I don’t date.”
“We’ve established that.”
“But you don’t fuck.”
Heat spreads through me. “If this is your attempt to persuade me you are doing a shit job.”
“That came out wrong.”
“You sure about that?”
He cups the back of his neck and his face softens. “Look. I meet girls, take them for a ride in my car, and make them feel special…then I fuck them, and never call them again. But you’re not like that. I don’t want to fuck you.”
“You don’t?” My brows draw inward, and I close my eyes. He is giving me a headache.
“Well eventually. I don’t want to screw this up with you. You’re different than the other girls.”
“I am.”
“You are. I want to get to know you. I want to know what your favorite color is and why you love those stupid fucking tights. I want to be your friend. Your best fucking friend and if you let me kiss you and touch your boobs on occasion that could be enough for me until I don’t want to be your friend anymore—until I’m ready to fuck you or you’re ready to fuck me. Do I make sense?” he moves toward me.
“Kind of. I think maybe. You made my brain hurt. But I also think you are a lot more drunk than you realize, and tomorrow when I see you this will all be a blur, and you will go back to being an asshole.”
He stabs a finger at his chest angrily. “I’m an asshole that’s who I am.”
“But it isn’t all that you are, or you wouldn’t have taken such good care of me last night. Why can’t you just admit that you want to date me.” I push him knowing it will blow up in my face.
“Don’t use that word, Liri. It’s against the rules.”
“What rules? I think you might be fucking crazy!” I snap and jump up.