I am not simply dropping him at some random bar. He has lost his mind. I shuffle around the car and get in the driver’s side. I have to adjust the seat and mirrors and kick off my shoes that way I can drive easier. He turns the stereo off and thumps his head against the passenger side window.
“Do you want to talk about what happened back there?”
“Nope.”
“Killian, I know that sucked and your dad shouldn’t have verbally attacked you like that but what did punching your hand through the door do for you?”
“Was better than punching his bastard face,” he mutters and opens the glovebox. He pulls out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He lights one up and cracks the window. I keep my mouth shut as he takes puff after puff. I want to tell him I think it is really gross that he is smoking right after finding out his father has cancer.
It is fucked up is what it is.
We get to the apartment after an hour of travelling in silence. I go straight to the bedroom and take off my dress. After putting on comfy clothes I grab the first aid kit from under the bathroom sink.
Killian forces his way into the small room and says, “Get out. I can do this. You shouldn’t have to.”
“I want to. Don’t push me away.”
“Just stop, Liri. I’m not good company right now. I don’t want to be mean to you, but I will be if you don’t get out of my face while I am in this mood.”
“Fine. You want to be an asshole. You want someone to yell at. Yell at me if it will make you feel better, but I’m not going to leave you alone. You need me!”
He slaps his bloodied hand on the sink counter making a bloody handprint, and I jump in response. “I need to be left the fuck alone.”
Tears burn in my eyes and I shove the first aid kit to the floor. “Fine.”
“Fine,” he yells back, and I slam the bathroom door behind me. I launch myself at the bed and bury my head in the pillow and let my tears fall.
Sometime later he leaves the bathroom. I glance up at him expecting him to come to bed even if he isn’t ready to talk. He keeps on stomping past me though, and I hear the front door slam followed by his tires squealing out of the parking lot minutes later.
I grab my phone and send him a text.
Liri: Where are you going? Why did you leave without even telling me?
Minutes go by without a response and when I call him, I get sent straight to voicemail.
God he is such a stupid jerk. I try to call him a few more times then I go into the bathroom and cleanup the bloody mess he left behind. There is no way I can sleep when I am so worried about him. He was drunk at the party and he did a good number on his hand. I go through the bedroom picking up our dirty clothes and towels from when we were getting ready before the party. After that I move to the living room and straighten things up. Next is the kitchen. I hand wash the few dirty dishes in the sink and empty the dishwasher. I clean the old boxes of Chinese takeout from the fridge and that fills the garbage. I pull the bag up out of the trash can and tie it before slipping on a pair of sneakers. I take the trash out to the dumpster and throw it in. I keep hoping I will hear Killian’s car coming down the road, but I don’t. When I get back to the apartment I start crying. I forgot my keys and managed to lock myself out. Great. I don’t have my phone and it’s too late to go knocking on my neighbor’s door. Not that she could do anything to help me. Hopefully Killian will be back soon.
I sit cross legged in the floor with my back against the door. I lay my head back and close my eyes.
Chapter 41
Killian
I had to get out of there. I couldn’t stand the pity in Liri’s eyes. The last thing I needed was her feeling sorry for me.
What I need is to get wasted until I forget my own name. It’s Saturday night and I know just the place.
I pull up to the frat house and a party is in full swing. I don’t stop to talk to anyone I go straight to the kitchen and grab a bottle of liquor. As I push through the living room to get to the stairs, I see Hayley on the couch making out with Woodrow. I shake my head. Bet Liam is loving that. I’m not surprised since he wants to be stupid and push her away. Which is exactly what I am doing to Liri. Maybe she will do us both a favor and go running to that Hunter tool. Make her parents happy and prove to everyone that I am just like they say I am.
A selfish asshole.
I
know I hurt her tonight and I’m a terrible person. I’m never going to be good enough for her. I’m a fuck up on a road to nowhere. I go out on the balcony. It’s chilly out here but if this liquor has anything to do with the situation, I’ll be numb to that too. Liri has been calling and texting me so I put her on silence. I don’t need her making me feel even more like shit. I don’t want to discuss my feelings or my childhood. I don’t want to tell her what a sick person I am because I wished cancer and death on my father for years. I hated him for what he did to my mom. Hated him for her suicide attempt. I hated Dillan too. But I never thought it would happen. That my father would get cancer. I don’t want to care about him. I don’t want to call him and ask what kind of treatment plan they are pursuing. I don’t want to know if Susie is okay. She deserves to watch him suffer the way my mom did.
Did he invite us all there so when he made his big announcement we would feel sorry for him? Fuck that and fuck him.
I take another swig from the bottle. The cheap liquor nearly burns my throat raw. I light up a cigarette and take a hard drag.