I don’t remember getting in the ambulance. I don’t remember arriving at the hospital or calling Killian’s dad. I don’t remember anything as I take another shaky drink of my coffee. All I know is that there is no world for me outside of Killian. Hayley squeezes my hand and the door of the waiting area we were taken to opens. Conrad and Susie walk in and take one look at me and they both burst into tears.
My heart squeezes tight in my throat. I feel like I am drowning and the only person who can save me may no longer be here. I stare blankly at my blood-stained hands. Hayley keeps trying to get me to wash it off but right now it’s all I have of him. Fat tears roll down my cheeks and plop to the floor. Susie wraps her arms around me, and I sob into her neck.
The door opens again, and I blink seeing a figure that looks like Killian standing there filling the space. He has his height and dark hair, but his face is all wrong. I jump to my feet ready to run to him, but then I realize it is only Dillan. I look away from him and pray for a miracle. I sink back down in my chair, and Conrad leaves to ask for an update. I close my eyes and think back on the events of the night and wish I could take it all back.
I did this.
We did this, Killian and me.
My teeth sink into my bottom lip until they draw blood.
The door opens again. I hear Hayley telling someone to leave. My eyes pop open and my gaze lands on Liam. “Liri,” he says my name, and I get up from my chair. My feet move one foot in front of the other until I am standing in front of him. His eyes are glossed over and red brimmed with tears. He looks absolutely gutted. “I’m so sorry.”
My hand goes back then thwacks across his face so hard I feel the sting in my soul. His head whips to the side as the smacking sound echoes in the tiny room. I hear Hayley gasp and then I fall to my knees and cry. Liam drops to the floor with me and pulls me into his body. I want to hate him. I want to punch him. I want to tell him that he’s garbage, but he wraps his arms around me and rocks me until my sobs stop racking through my chest. Hayley sits next to Liam and his other arm goes around her and the three of us pray and we cry. We cry a lot.
We cry for the boy we all love.
We pray for him to wake up.
We pray for this nightmare to end.
Conrad returns and his expression is grim.
If he tells me that Killian is gone, I won’t survive.
I squeeze Liam and Hayley’s hands for strength.
“Is he?” I can’t finish my sentence. I can’t say the words.
Conrad wipes at his eyes and shakes his head. “I don’t know anything yet. They wouldn’t tell me anything. He’s in surgery.”
I let out a shuddering breath and the doctor enters the room with a solemn expression.
I keep waiting for him to tell us that Killian is gone or that he’s going to be just like my father. I don’t know which outcome would be worse.
Conrad follows him out to the hallway, and all I can do is wait for him to come back and tell me if my life is ending or just beginning.