She screamed in my face telling me we were horrible people and should be ashamed of ourselves. I stupidly told her I wanted to be with her. I told she was mine and she would always be mine and she smacked me again.
It was like a light switch flickering off and on. I couldn’t control myself. I grabbed her from the toilet and shook her. I didn’t mean to. However, the damage was done.
She was terrified of me.
I never meant to hurt her, or to make her afraid of me.
All I wanted was for her to see that we should be together. That deep down I think Joe would want us to be happy and live our lives.
I don’t deserve her, but God do I want her.
I’ve tried finding her, but she doesn’t want to be found. I’m a damn mess without her.
I know we haven’t known each other long but when you know that someone is the one you are meant to be with losing them guts you. It rips you in two. I never dreamt I’d find somebody like her. A woman who drives me wild and gets under my skin in every possible way, but I did. I need Audrey. Fate…destiny…the universe pushed us together not once but twice.
We are supposed to be together.
Ma, Lewis, Dad, and now Trey and Natalie know what I did.
I feel so ashamed.
I need her to know I’m sorry. I am so damn sorry. If I could go back and change how I went about it all I would. I’d give anything to hold her once more. To taste her lips. To feel her body tremble under my touch.
I can’t eat.
I can’t sleep.
I just want to go back to that night, when it was raining, and see her look at me like she did before I ruined it all. In the rain nothing else mattered but us. There was nothing between us. Nothing to get in the way of what we both wanted. There was the rain and there was her. All I could ever want or need. Simply Audrey.
My sister squeezes my hand. “I’ll find her and talk to her, I promise you, Nate. We will fix this.” Her words say one thing, but her eyes portray something else entirely. Anger.
Something tells me my sister has some choice words for me, and she is choosing not to use them at the dinner table.
She shoves her plate away unable to finish her food.
“I’ve looked all over town for her, she isn’t at any of the hotels,” Lewis says.
The memory of the first night we met strikes me and suddenly I know where to look. I know where Audrey would run to. Legacy.
“I know where she went,” I tell them, and everyone jumps up at once, ready to go after her. I love them all for it, but I need to do this myself. “I need to go alone,” I tell them, hoping they’ll understand.
“Nonsense, you did enough damage. We’re all coming. Let’s go,” Ma orders, not having it any other way. We all load up in her Escalade to go after Audrey.
I can only hope I’m right and she’s at Motel 6 or Dusty Rose’s Bar.
T
he drive to Legacy doesn’t take long, but every second feels like an hour. I go into Dusty’s first with Natalie at my side.
We split at the bar to cover more ground faster. My heart is thumping out of my chest, my palms are slick with sweat.
I buy a beer and question the bartender. He says he hasn’t seen her. I get the feeling he’s lying, but I have no choice but to move on to the Motel.
Stepping outside, I decide to walk needing the fresh air to help me breathe. I can feel my anxiety bubbling in my chest. I took my pill this morning, but I don’t feel like it is helping at all. I talked to my therapist yesterday and she wants me to get a therapy dog, for emotional support.
Natalie gets in the car with everyone else, respecting my need for a moment alone.
My family follows me, driving along the sidewalk, staring at me with pity masked on their faces. I wish they’d go get a coffee or something. I shove my hands in my pockets to stop from tapping my fingers against my thighs as I walk.